You'd never say that to a colleague

Years ago, mid-career, I was drowning. A major transaction was underway, one I'd desperately wanted to lead, and I was working brutal hours convinced that if I just tried harder, I'd catch up.

I didn't tell anyone I was struggling. I was a professional - surely I was supposed to know what I was doing? So instead, I told myself, daily, that I was slow and incompetent. That any other finance leader would be managing this fine, and the fact that I wasn't said something damning about me.

Then one evening, a friend asked casually, "How's work?" And I burst into tears in the middle of the pub. "I can't do it. I'm rubbish at everything."

Here's what I understand now that I didn't then: nothing about that period was solved by the way I was talking to myself. The harsher I got, the less capacity I had left to actually think clearly, ask for help, or lead well. Self-criticism didn't sharpen my performance. It hollowed it out.

If a colleague had come to me in that state, I'd have been kind. I'd have reminded them that no one leads a listing solo, that asking for help is not the same as failing. I would never have said to someone else what I was saying to myself, on loop, every single day.

This matters more now than it used to. When the comparison point is an AI system that never tires and never doubts itself, the temptation to judge yourself against an impossible standard has never been higher. The antidote isn't trying to out-perform the machine. It's remembering you were never supposed to be one.

Research backs this up: self-compassionate people hold themselves to standards every bit as high as anyone else, they're just far less likely to spiral when they miss one. That resilience is what lets you extend the same grace outward, to a team member who's dropped the ball, to a peer having an off quarter.

Everyone in the room, including you, is a flawed human doing their best with what they've got that day.

This is precisely why so much of my coaching work isn't about goal-setting at all - it's about slowing down long enough to notice the story you're telling yourself, and asking whether it's actually helpful. A good coach won't let you get away with "I'm rubbish at everything." They'll help you find a truer, kinder, more useful story to lead from.

So here's what I'm asking myself this week, and what I'll ask you to reflect on:

What's one thing I said to myself this week that I would never say to someone I cared about?

Reply and tell me - I'd genuinely like to know I'm not the only one!

With love

Sue