“You are most powerful in a relationship when you accept being influenced”

I was listening to the Diary of a CEO podcast recently and Steven Bartlett was interviewing Drs Julie and John Gottman, renowned relationship experts, primarily about personal intimate relationships, when this phrase leapt out at me as it applies to work relationships.

So many leaders express to me that they feel unheard and that they have a strong desire to make a great impact by becoming more influential, and this is where my work around executive presence comes in.

I talk about the need for confidence, humility and connection and this phrase above expresses so beautifully how confidence and humility intersect. As we develop our confidence in our own value and expertise, we only truly become influential and powerful when we also learn to listen with humility to the perspectives of others and allow them to influence us.

If we bring curiosity and open-mindedness to our conversations, then we create the possibility that our opinions may be changed or shaped by what we hear. It is only when we start to demonstrate this flexibility that we become truly powerful because other people will listen and pay attention to our viewpoints much more when they feel heard themselves.

I have seen the progress clients can make when they let go of the need to cling on tight to their single-minded perception of what is right and what they as a CFO can bring to the table.

One CFO client has completely shifted the dynamic of his conversations with both his Board and his leadership team by learning to lean into his curiosity and ask more questions about how they see an issue and what they would consider to be great outcomes. He is exceptionally smart and often one step ahead in terms of coming up with a solution but taking this time to hear their views allows him to finesse his solution, incorporating their ideas and deliver it in a way in which they will hear it. He is also learning to accept that even when he has a brilliant solution it may not be what others want, for a myriad of reasons, and he must let it go, for the sake of a strong relationship.

These strong relationships are creating the foundation for much more productive collaboration in the senior leadership team and even opening the door to the possibility of the CFO being the current CEO’s successor.

I invite you to think about the following:

• Is my need to be right getting in the way of my relationships?
• How can I create space to listen more and take on diverse opinions?
• What belief about myself do I need to let go of in order to do that?

If you’d like support on your leadership journey, let’s chat.

​With love,
Sue

Are you playing to not lose? Or playing to win?

This is a question I posed to a client recently – on the face of it you may feel that they are the same thing because if you don’t lose surely you win?

However, if you have ever played, or even watched, a sport, I think you recognise the difference.

When we play to not lose we are defensive, and driven by fear, not vision. We are safeguarding the status quo and focused on avoiding risks and reducing threats. We may wear the opposition down but we are also wearing ourselves down and not creating opportunities.

Playing to not lose may make us feel better in the short term because our brain is seeking to protect us by keeping in our comfort zone. We are focused on removing the problem or challenge so we can return to equilibrium.

For example, if I fear that I may be discovered to be a fraud in my new role (hello imposter syndrome!) I may feel the need to micromanage everything that happens in my new department because I am scared of mistakes being made. In the short term this may help me feel better because I am ‘in control’ and create some positive outcomes, however what about in the medium to long term? That behaviour is likely to lead to disengagement in staff members and burn out for me!

Playing to win requires us to be more proactive: to create a vision and purpose towards which we can work. We seek opportunities to progress and inspire our teams to reach new heights. Instead of reacting to fear we take action based on passion and energy. Fear will always be present but it is no longer running the show.

Playing to win does not mean that we recklessly pursue every opportunity, rather it means that we take calculated risks and use strategic planning to move towards our North Star. It requires us to create a culture of collaboration and innovation, unleashing the full potential of the team and contributing to a growth cycle.

So I invite you to ask yourself:

Are you playing to not lose? Or are you playing to win?

What might be possible for your leadership journey and the future of the organisation if you could shift your mindset?

In The Leadership Circle Profile, a 360 degree feedback assessment I use with clients, these concepts are embedded into the reactive tendencies (playing to not lose) and the creative capacities (playing to win) of leadership.

If you are interested in taking your leadership to the next level, utilising 360 degree feedback is a great way to uncover beliefs and behaviours you may not be aware of. Are you ready to take the plunge? Let’s have a conversation.

With love,
​
Sue