Perhaps it is time to get in touch with your inner teenager. Yes, you read that right, not your inner child, your inner teenager.
As we move into middle age we often find ourselves questioning our lives. We may have had an outwardly successful career, and have achieved some of those things which we thought would make us happy but find that we feel like we are trudging through mud, one foot after another, bored and not getting anywhere much. This ennui can lead to apathy, and it gets harder and harder to pull ourselves up out of the mud.
But why, oh why I hear you cry would I go back to being an angsty, rebellious, petulant, pimply teen?
Because of what Dan Siegel in his book, Brainstorm, identifies as the four distinguishing features of adolescence, or the ESSENCE of adolescence:
ES: Emotional Spark
Emotional sensations are intense during our teenage years and we may not want to go back to the roller coaster that was our emotional life at that time but without the exuberance for life which represents the upside of that intensity life can get rather dull.
So ask yourself: What is the role of passion in your life? What lights your internal fire? If you are not doing things which light that up and bring joy to you perhaps it is time to consider what has worked for you in the past and set some time aside to rediscover those activities, whether it is music, dancing, rock-climbing or curling up with a good book. Anything which sweeps you up in the moment and afterwards you can say to yourself “wow, I loved that”.
SE: Social Engagement
Meaningful relationships are such an important part of our lives at all ages, and in teenagers this drive to connect with our peers can separate them from the adults in their lives but can also lead to the development of fantastic new friendships and really supportive relationships.
As adults it is vital to cultivate the relationships we already have by nurturing them and not taking what we have for granted. We can do this by showing kindness and compassion to our friends and family, spending time with them, and learning to actively listen to them.
It can also be incredibly rewarding to establish new friendships by reaching out to people we meet who share similar interests, taking the time to show interest in other people’s lives.
N: Novelty
In teenagers the desire for a bigger hit of dopamine in their brain can lead them to seek risky adventures as they are wired to overemphasise the thrill of an activity and downplay the risks, however as adults we too often don’t introduce enough novelty into our lives. We are more inclined to overplay the risks and fear the consequences.
Doing new things as an adult stimulates new neural activity in our brains and bringing a heightened sense of curiousity to life will open us up to all kinds of new opportunities, bringing more joy and humour to our lives.
It is time to “feel the fear and do it anyway” – take a risk on something. Look at where your fear of failure or fear of rejection is holding you back and make a conscious decision to move out of your comfort zone – apply for that promotion, volunteer to make that presentation, and back yourself.
Make a plan to try something you’ve never done before: watch a foreign film, take a trapeze class, try a food you’ve never eaten before, go to a football match or see a ballet. Who knows what you may discover!
CE: Creative Exploration
Teenagers question the status quo and push the boundaries of society as they develop their abilities around conceptual thinking and abstract reasoning. As we get older, although we have the mental capacity to think outside the square too often we get caught up in doing things the same old way we have always done them.
It is time to expand our awareness and look at things in a new way. Mindfulness can be a great starting point, as we bring a beginner’s awareness to our day and closely observe the world around us through a fresh lense. Once we move out of autopilot, and also allow ourselves the freedom to play with ideas we will be able to rediscover our creativity. As adults we so often assume that the only people who are creative are those who paint or create music but we all have the capacity for creative thinking, we have just forgotten how to tap in to it. Everyone needs some time to play.
If as adults we can harness the great opportunities that the adolescent brain shows us then we can bring greater vitality and courage into our lives. Of course in the years since our own adolescence we have (hopefully!) improved our ability to self-regulate our emotional responses, and to assess risks in a more measured way which will allow us to make the most of the upsides of ESSENCE, and not the downsides!
How have you embraced the ESSENCE of adolescence to lighten up your life?
If you would like support in rediscovering the ESSENCE of your life and figuring out the next steps in your career please contact me at [email protected]
As we move into middle age we often find ourselves questioning our lives. We may have had an outwardly successful career, and have achieved some of those things which we thought would make us happy but find that we feel like we are trudging through mud, one foot after another, bored and not getting anywhere much. This ennui can lead to apathy, and it gets harder and harder to pull ourselves up out of the mud.
But why, oh why I hear you cry would I go back to being an angsty, rebellious, petulant, pimply teen?
Because of what Dan Siegel in his book, Brainstorm, identifies as the four distinguishing features of adolescence, or the ESSENCE of adolescence:
ES: Emotional Spark
Emotional sensations are intense during our teenage years and we may not want to go back to the roller coaster that was our emotional life at that time but without the exuberance for life which represents the upside of that intensity life can get rather dull.
So ask yourself: What is the role of passion in your life? What lights your internal fire? If you are not doing things which light that up and bring joy to you perhaps it is time to consider what has worked for you in the past and set some time aside to rediscover those activities, whether it is music, dancing, rock-climbing or curling up with a good book. Anything which sweeps you up in the moment and afterwards you can say to yourself “wow, I loved that”.
SE: Social Engagement
Meaningful relationships are such an important part of our lives at all ages, and in teenagers this drive to connect with our peers can separate them from the adults in their lives but can also lead to the development of fantastic new friendships and really supportive relationships.
As adults it is vital to cultivate the relationships we already have by nurturing them and not taking what we have for granted. We can do this by showing kindness and compassion to our friends and family, spending time with them, and learning to actively listen to them.
It can also be incredibly rewarding to establish new friendships by reaching out to people we meet who share similar interests, taking the time to show interest in other people’s lives.
N: Novelty
In teenagers the desire for a bigger hit of dopamine in their brain can lead them to seek risky adventures as they are wired to overemphasise the thrill of an activity and downplay the risks, however as adults we too often don’t introduce enough novelty into our lives. We are more inclined to overplay the risks and fear the consequences.
Doing new things as an adult stimulates new neural activity in our brains and bringing a heightened sense of curiousity to life will open us up to all kinds of new opportunities, bringing more joy and humour to our lives.
It is time to “feel the fear and do it anyway” – take a risk on something. Look at where your fear of failure or fear of rejection is holding you back and make a conscious decision to move out of your comfort zone – apply for that promotion, volunteer to make that presentation, and back yourself.
Make a plan to try something you’ve never done before: watch a foreign film, take a trapeze class, try a food you’ve never eaten before, go to a football match or see a ballet. Who knows what you may discover!
CE: Creative Exploration
Teenagers question the status quo and push the boundaries of society as they develop their abilities around conceptual thinking and abstract reasoning. As we get older, although we have the mental capacity to think outside the square too often we get caught up in doing things the same old way we have always done them.
It is time to expand our awareness and look at things in a new way. Mindfulness can be a great starting point, as we bring a beginner’s awareness to our day and closely observe the world around us through a fresh lense. Once we move out of autopilot, and also allow ourselves the freedom to play with ideas we will be able to rediscover our creativity. As adults we so often assume that the only people who are creative are those who paint or create music but we all have the capacity for creative thinking, we have just forgotten how to tap in to it. Everyone needs some time to play.
If as adults we can harness the great opportunities that the adolescent brain shows us then we can bring greater vitality and courage into our lives. Of course in the years since our own adolescence we have (hopefully!) improved our ability to self-regulate our emotional responses, and to assess risks in a more measured way which will allow us to make the most of the upsides of ESSENCE, and not the downsides!
How have you embraced the ESSENCE of adolescence to lighten up your life?
If you would like support in rediscovering the ESSENCE of your life and figuring out the next steps in your career please contact me at [email protected]
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