It really doesn’t matter if you have 3,000 friends on social media, if you cannot connect on a much deeper and more meaningful level with at least a few people you will always be searching for the newest shiny person to add to your collection. Research has shown time and again that personal relationships are fundamental to our well-being and happiness.
So how did we ever think we could operate at our best by parking all our personal interests and emotions at the door when we came to the office?
And who are we kidding anyway if we think all those things which happen in the rest of our lives are not affecting how we show up at work?
If we wish to be effective at work we need to build meaningful relationships in the workplace and to do this we need to be willing to share more ourselves with our colleagues. Building our own understanding of our emotional responses allows us to manage them better so that we can respond more appropriately in challenging situations but it doesn’t mean denying or suppressing those emotions. Emotional awareness both in ourselves and in regard to what we recognise and respond to in others is one of the keys to creating a deeper connection in relationships.
This deeper connection also comes from bringing our whole authentic self to interactions with others and to do that we must know ourselves and accept ourselves. This requires a much greater level of openness and vulnerability than many people are used to bringing to work. Too often we behave in a way which we think is expected of us.
Not being yourself is draining!
Adopting more masculine traits has been a common way for women to try and compete in male dominated environments but to not bring authenticity can be a drain on our energy and impediment to our best performance. As Sallie Krawcheck (CEO of Ellevest) recently said “It is simply exhausting to act like something you’re not all the time”. Of course this also impacts other groups who have felt compelled to keep essential parts of themselves hidden from colleagues. When reflecting on his long career in ‘The Glass Closet’ Lord John Browne (former CEO of British Petroleum, who was the first CEO of a Fortune 500 company to publicly acknowledge that he is gay) said “It is difficult to feel good about yourself when you are embarrassed to show who you actually are.”
So knowing who we are and bringing this authentic self to work benefits us on two levels: our own physical and emotional well-being; and also the deeper connections with those around us, which in itself also improves our well-being. As Bill George says in his book ‘Discover Your True North’ “Only by opening ourselves to others can we find that deep sense of well-being”.
Openness vs over-sharing
Knowing and being your authentic self doesn’t mean you have to share every detail of your private life and if you are unsure whether to share something then consider your intentions. As the inimitable Brene Brown explains “The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection. The outcome of oversharing is distrust, disconnection – and usually a little judgement.” And if you are worried about all this openness and vulnerability spilling over in to some really awkward oversharing then bear in mind another quote from Brene Brown: “Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce. That's an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can't cheat real connection. It's built up slowly. It's about trust and time.”
So building trust takes time that’s true but it also must start with honesty with ourselves, about who we are and what we stand for.
If you would like to get some help with exploring your values so that you can get in touch with the things which are most important to you then please download my free e-book on Finding Freedom & Fulfilment.
Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in helping people unleash the power of their potential. You can contact me directly at [email protected]
So how did we ever think we could operate at our best by parking all our personal interests and emotions at the door when we came to the office?
And who are we kidding anyway if we think all those things which happen in the rest of our lives are not affecting how we show up at work?
If we wish to be effective at work we need to build meaningful relationships in the workplace and to do this we need to be willing to share more ourselves with our colleagues. Building our own understanding of our emotional responses allows us to manage them better so that we can respond more appropriately in challenging situations but it doesn’t mean denying or suppressing those emotions. Emotional awareness both in ourselves and in regard to what we recognise and respond to in others is one of the keys to creating a deeper connection in relationships.
This deeper connection also comes from bringing our whole authentic self to interactions with others and to do that we must know ourselves and accept ourselves. This requires a much greater level of openness and vulnerability than many people are used to bringing to work. Too often we behave in a way which we think is expected of us.
Not being yourself is draining!
Adopting more masculine traits has been a common way for women to try and compete in male dominated environments but to not bring authenticity can be a drain on our energy and impediment to our best performance. As Sallie Krawcheck (CEO of Ellevest) recently said “It is simply exhausting to act like something you’re not all the time”. Of course this also impacts other groups who have felt compelled to keep essential parts of themselves hidden from colleagues. When reflecting on his long career in ‘The Glass Closet’ Lord John Browne (former CEO of British Petroleum, who was the first CEO of a Fortune 500 company to publicly acknowledge that he is gay) said “It is difficult to feel good about yourself when you are embarrassed to show who you actually are.”
So knowing who we are and bringing this authentic self to work benefits us on two levels: our own physical and emotional well-being; and also the deeper connections with those around us, which in itself also improves our well-being. As Bill George says in his book ‘Discover Your True North’ “Only by opening ourselves to others can we find that deep sense of well-being”.
Openness vs over-sharing
Knowing and being your authentic self doesn’t mean you have to share every detail of your private life and if you are unsure whether to share something then consider your intentions. As the inimitable Brene Brown explains “The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection. The outcome of oversharing is distrust, disconnection – and usually a little judgement.” And if you are worried about all this openness and vulnerability spilling over in to some really awkward oversharing then bear in mind another quote from Brene Brown: “Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce. That's an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can't cheat real connection. It's built up slowly. It's about trust and time.”
So building trust takes time that’s true but it also must start with honesty with ourselves, about who we are and what we stand for.
If you would like to get some help with exploring your values so that you can get in touch with the things which are most important to you then please download my free e-book on Finding Freedom & Fulfilment.
Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in helping people unleash the power of their potential. You can contact me directly at [email protected]
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