In my last blog I talked about the importance of believing in our ability to continually improve our talents and capabilities and identified Carol Dweck’s 4 steps you need to take to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. The four steps are:
- Learn to hear your fixed mindset voice;
- Recognise you have a choice;
- Talk back to yourself using a growth mindset voice; and
- Take the growth mindset action.
Whilst these provide a fantastic guide any one of them is easier said than done! So here I will explore further how to get through steps 1 & 2.
Pay Attention
In order to really hear our fixed mindset voice we need to get in touch with our thoughts by increasing our self-awareness and recognising the emotional triggers we feel when we have negative or positive thoughts. This is where we need to apply mindfulness, which is simply paying attention to the physiological changes in our body and getting curious about what is happening and why. Even if a meditation practice is too “hippy” for you this is where slowing down your breathing and observing yourself is important. The observing self does not judge our experience but sees things as they are, without resisting. This is an important first step towards identifying these thoughts and connecting with the experience so that you recognise when they come up for you.
For example if I am about to speak in front of a lot of people my heart will be racing and my hands get clammy and I need to look at what is causing that, perhaps I think “oh my god, this is going to be disastrous, they’re going to realise I know nothing!” Acknowledging what I feel is the first step.
The sh**ty first draft
In times of stress particularly our first reaction to any situation is emotional and our emotions immediately tell our brains a story – this is what Brene Brown call the “sh**ty first draft” or SFD of the story. This SFD is a bunch of thoughts which pops into our brains, and if we do not pay attention to what is happening this SFD determines what we do or say next. These thoughts may or may not be correct, and if they are a negative response to a challenge facing you, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do that”, they are probably not helpful even if they contain an element of truth!
Get ready to rumble…
Brene Brown proposes that we “rumble” with these thoughts and challenge them by asking “what’s true?”, “what do I know for sure?”, “what is it about this story that is really bothering me?” She recommends writing down your SFD because this externalises it and makes it easier to see patterns in our thinking. In her recent presentation at The School of Life in Sydney Ms Brown talked about SFDs particularly in relation to how we interpret the words or actions of other people, and how we can look through a different lens to interpret them in a new way but the same applies to how we respond to our own thoughts.
In his book The Happiness Trap Dr Russ Harris goes even further and says even if there is truth in your thoughts you should ask yourself “is this helpful?” For example if I make a mistake and find myself thinking “I’m completely incompetent, I shouldn’t be in this role” there may be some truth in that I do not have all the requisite skills but the only way to move forward is to ask “Do I really need or want to be able to do this and if so how can I gain the skills I need for this role?”
We need to learn to separate the thought and the emotion. We all have emotions triggered by thoughts on which we don’t act, for example I know that I have had times at work when someone has really upset me, and I have felt like screaming and telling them what they can do with their job! Now I may at times have responded too rashly and said something inappropriate but I have never walked out on the spot because even in the heat of the moment I can recognise that that response may be counter-productive! But all too often we allow our thoughts about ourselves to assume a much greater importance & “truth”, which will only inhibit our behaviours and hold us back from action.
I love the visual idea of my thoughts being a SFD, which I can rewrite and determine for myself how the story progresses. With so many things in life beyond our control it is great to realise we do have control over how we respond in any situation. Taking a moment for a few deep breaths may be all it takes, but writing it down can help with getting a new perspective.
Once we recognise our thoughts for what they are – just thoughts, we are free to make new choices, open ourselves to learning and move forward.
If you would like support in improving your self-awareness and dealing with your own SFDs so you can re-write your own story please contact me at [email protected]
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