Sue Rosen
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Finding Freedom & Fulfilment

This is where I update you on my latest thoughts & research into all things relating to self-development!

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Feedback is HARD!

25/10/2021

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I recall years ago having to give feedback to one of my direct reports, who I knew was undermining my decision-making, and bitching about me. As a conflict-avoidant person I wanted to ignore this and pretend it wasn’t happening but I knew I couldn’t let this continue, so I pulled on my big girl pants and summoned her into an office. It was a horrible conversation, made so much worse by my determination to toughen up, in trying to be more courageous I lost all my compassion. 

Recently one of my clients was struggling with a team member she had inherited, who was simply not delivering to the standards expected of a senior leader, however, this executive had not been given a performance review by the previous CEO for 5 years! Understandably she was now getting defensive because she had very little awareness of how she was letting the team down.

And another client of mine was pulling her hair out because she was receiving no feedback from her CEO, and yet when we held a meeting with him he provided some very specific examples which he said should come as no surprise because he has been telling her about these issues for some time!

So many of us suck at giving feedback!

And we can see from the above stories that it lands us in all kinds of trouble and leaves us entirely ineffective at making progress, collaborating, and building a high-performing team. One of the most important things we can do as leaders is give feedback well because how else can people in our team learn and develop?

My favourite piece of advice I have read is from Brene Brown’s Dare To Lead, which absolutely taps into my mantra of being a leader who is both courageous and compassionate:

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.


So I would like to share 5 tips:
  1. Prepare the person for the conversation: “Do you have a few minutes to talk about how that meeting went?” Or “I would like to offer you some feedback about that meeting, when would be a good time?”
  2. Be specific in your examples: rather than using generalisations or judgments such as “you’re unreliable” use specific, fact-based points such as “I notice that you missed your last 3 deadlines”
  3. Describe the impact of their behaviour: “When you don’t deliver that report on time my team has to stay back late at night to prepare for the board meeting”, “when you cancel your meetings with me at the last minute I feel like you don’t value my contribution.”
  4. Ask for the other person’s reaction and really listen to what they say. This is the point at which Brene Brown suggests a ‘circle back’ to enable the person to process what you have said and then come back to you with their thoughts or suggestions.
  5. Collaborate on what a way forward could look like.

As a leader, it is essential that we put time and energy into delivering feedback in a timely manner (annual reviews are not going to cut it!) and yet so many of our own stories about feedback get in our way of doing this skillfully.

If you would like to become a courageous and compassionate leader who both gives and receives feedback well then let’s have a chat.


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Are You Ready to Take A Risk? Cultivating Compassion, Courage & Curiosity

14/2/2021

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Leadership requires us to take risks in order to make changes so that we can pursue our North Star and serve our customers. All too often we allow our contemplation of the risks of trying something new to keep us stuck where we are right now but what about the risks of not changing?

Throughout this series on A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leadership I have been exploring the work we need to do in order to show up as an AUTHENTIC leader, and I believe the 3 qualities outlined in this final blog are ones which can support us to step up, speak out and take risks.

Compassion

Talking to leaders recently I believe that more and more people are starting to see the benefits of bringing compassion to work. There has been an increased realisation that every individual you work with is a real human being who has a life beyond the workplace. A person who, just like you, wants to feel seen, heard and valued, for as the Dalai Lama says:

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.”

Compassion is an essential quality for building trust (see the blog on Trust), and this has never been more evident than during the pandemic, both at national level and at an organisational level. The leaders who have chosen to engage with people and to listen to their stories, recognising that there is a wide disparity in their experiences of working from home, financial security, family circumstances are the ones who will engender trust and retain staff as the economy picks up.

I find it fascinating that many high achievers I work with inherently understand that compassion is an important quality, yet they overlook self-compassion! They beat themselves up when they make a mistake rather than show themselves the same love and understanding they would to a loved one. We cannot truly support others if we do not care for ourselves.

It’s also important to realise that compassion doesn’t mean being “weak” when dealing with challenging people issues at work, it means listening to understand and seeking to find solutions that work for both parties, and at the same time it means being clear for as Brene Brown says:

“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”

Courage

To have the hard conversations, to provide clarity, to pursue your purpose, to speak out against wrong doing, to step out from the expectations of others’ (parents, cultural background, teachers, bosses), to speak your truth: all of these require Courage. So, to be a leader (not by title but in life) absolutely requires Courage.

One of the best ways to tap into your courage is to be really clear on your personal values, on what is most important to you and ask yourself how those values would have you behave in this moment. Your North Star can also provide the light to guide you when it is hard to find your courage – knowing what you are speaking in service of makes it easier (not easy, just easier!) 
And when the voice of that inner critic pipes up in your head to silence you, you can thank her for protecting you for all these years, and then let her know you’ve got this!

This is an area rich for exploration with my clients, as they unpack the stories around those inner voices and find new paths forward.
 
Curiosity

Perhaps this is a fitting place to end this series on A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leadership – with curiosity, as leadership is a constant learning practice. We can never have all the answers so we must learn to cultivate a beginner’s mind, which can be incredibly challenging when a significant part of our identity is attached to being an expert in our field!

It is easy to be trapped by our desire to be right, to be in control, to have all the answers yet this can prevent us from seeing new perspectives, from truly collaborating and working creatively by inviting the ideas of others. If we are to respond innovatively to the fast changing pace of the world we need to cultivate curiosity by continuing to ask questions.

If you have not discovered Carol Dweck’s work on Growth Mindset I encourage you to check it out: The Power of Believing You Can Improve

And we also need to bring curiosity to an exploration of ourselves as it helps us question and challenge the things we believe to be true and how those beliefs determine our behaviours, which brings us beautifully back to A = Awareness & Acceptance.

And on this topic I shall leave the last word to Albert Einstein:

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to merely comprehend a little of this mystery each day.”
 
The full series on A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leadership is as follows:

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity

If you would like to explore any of these topics to support you in becoming an exceptional leader then please get in touch.
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What Ripples are You Creating?

28/1/2021

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We have all experienced standing on the edge of a lake and casting pebbles into the water - as the pebble lands in the water it creates ripples reaching far beyond the initial point of impact. And so it is with every small act throughout our day - every thought, comment, action creates a ripple effect which impacts not only the people with whom we immediately interact but also the people whose lives they touch, and then the people with whom those people connect with and so on and so on, way beyond where we might have imagined.

The ripples of a leader can be even greater because leadership is all about how you make people feel and the lasting impact you have on them, which is why:

 I = Influence & Impact

in my series on AUTHENTIC leadership:

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity
 
Working hard and getting results will get you through the door however it is your presence and your ability to connect with the people around you, above and below you which will determine your success as a leader.

As Simon Sinek says in The Infinite Game “Leaders are not responsible for the results. They are responsible for the people who are responsible for the results.”

A key element of your role as a leader is to influence what people do and how they do it; it is the ability to affect action, transform behaviour and shift views without relying on positional power or direct authority.

So how can you be more Influential and have the Impact you want, in order to create the changes you see necessary?

I see there being 4 key elements:
 
Executive presence

Executive presence is essentially your ability to inspire confidence in those around you that you are not only capable but also that you have the potential to achieve bigger things, and that you will be able to bring others with you.

To inspire confidence in this way you need to have developed your own sense of confidence through recognising your achievements and strengths. This is quite different from arrogance because it is important to hold confidence and humility simultaneously. However, it does mean learning to embody this sense of confidence and capability and owning your achievements rather than diminishing them, which challenges many of my clients. I find that my clients often forget how far they have come because they are so focused on aspiring to the next thing. Reclaiming this knowledge of the road they have already travelled and allowing themselves to fully absorb this into their body by learning to centre themselves around an embodiment of their values and their purpose can entirely shift the energy they bring into a room.

Identifying the small shifts in your posture and gestures when you are feeling confident and in flow can enable you to access these more frequently as you approach situations which trigger more nerves.
 
Strong relationships

Getting to know your peers in the leadership team at a more personal level so that you have a greater understanding of the challenges they face will enable you to offer help in constructive ways and collaborate more meaningfully.

One of the greatest communication and relationship building skills is listening. To become an excellent listener requires you to be fully present to others when you are with them, paying attention to not only their words but also their tone, body language, and what is not being said. Then engaging in asking questions and exploring their ideas, suggestions and opinions so that you can collaborate effectively to produce better results.

As well as strong individual relationships focus on creating a strong network of relationships across the organisation, and actively connect others where you can see synergies. This also relates to increasing your profile within the organisation so others also seek you out.

See also the previous article in this series on Trust for more ways to build trust with colleagues.

Alignment with purpose

Having clarity around your purpose will empower you to speak with greater strength and passion, as well as pushing you to identify what aspects of a project or negotiation are most important to you and where you are happier to compromise.

Your ability to align your own personal purpose with that of the organisation and then articulate both those to colleagues will enable you to bring people along on the journey, ensuring you are all working towards the same vision. At the same time, it is important to be open-minded and flexible rather than too rigidly attached to your own perspective on how to pursue the purpose of the organisation (see above about listening!).

Communicating with impact

If you are to have influence and impact you need to be both seen and heard, so ensure that you are contributing to team meetings, not only in areas where you are the expert but also in areas outside your functional area. This is not about speaking just to hear your own voice, rather taking an active interest in what is happening in other areas of the business and asking well thought-out questions so that you gain a broader understanding of the big picture.

Prepare fully before meetings and study the preferred styles of other leaders – there is no point giving lengthy of tables of numbers to a CEO who prefers 5 bullet points and 2 coloured graphs! Understanding your audience is key – what do they need, what are their motivators?

To be effective as leaders we need to cultivate both Influence and Impact, so once again we need to tap into our emotional intelligence, which can be significantly improved by practicing mindfulness.
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Which of these areas do you most need to focus on in order to enhance your Influence and Impact?
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How Do You Build Trust?

13/1/2021

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As leaders we tell ourselves that we want our staff to be creative and innovative in how they approach their work, we want to know what is going on across the business, we want employees to ask for help when they need it, and we want to have visibility on potential challenges before they become massive problems. However there is one important condition which must be present if any of these things are to happen.

And that is that employees must feel safe to express themselves. This is known as psychological safety, which is defined as an individual’s perception of taking a risk and the response his or her boss or teammates will have to him taking that risk.

A few years ago in Project Aristotle, Google set out to determine what it was that made their top teams successful and they established that the number one factor in a team’s effectiveness was psychological safety. Researchers overwhelmingly agree that engagement, creativity and innovation cannot flourish if you do not have a safe space for new ideas and risk-taking.

And we can only build psychological safety if we develop Trust in one another, which is why Trust is the second T in A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C leadership:

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity
 
Trust is absolutely critical to authentic leadership and to high-performing teams – after all if we don’t trust someone they can say whatever they like about culture and values and purpose but it will not make an iota of difference to our performance.

And as a leader we cannot simply demand that our people trust us, we have to create an environment where people trust that we have their back, that we will do the right thing by them, otherwise they will continue to shy away from speaking up when they see something wrong, when they have made a mistake, when they need help or when they have a great idea. We must FEEL trust in order to bring our whole self to work.

After all is there anyone who has not kept an idea to themselves because they were afraid of being ridiculed or shot down in flames? Or not asked a clarifying question because they were afraid of looking stupid and being humiliated?

To share a personal story, when I was a young financial controller working with a company preparing to go through an IPO I hid my first pregnancy for four and a half months because I did not trust the CEO to award me a fair share of options once he knew I would be taking maternity leave. When we hide a critical element of ourselves at work we are expending energy on protecting our identity behind a mask (a vast subject which I have written about before) and we simply cannot perform at our best.
 
“Trust is the stacking and layering of small moments and reciprocal vulnerability over time. Trust and vulnerability grow together, and to betray one is to destroy the other.” says Brene Brown in her book Dare to Lead (if you have not read this yet, please go and buy it right now!)

To elaborate I could not point to one single thing which the CEO had done which made me feel this way, it was an accumulation of small comments about the value (or lack thereof) of the “back office” teams in a sales organisation, about his view of women taking maternity leave, about his prioritisation of sales people above all else.

So how can we build trust?

  • Listen – everyone wants to be seen and heard so actively listening to their stories and demonstrating empathy will go a long way to deepening the relationship.
  • Ask for feedback and input – and then ensuring you address it and take action on it. Letting feedback fall into a blackhole is often worse than not asking in the first place.
  • Be ready to trust others – this needs to be a reciprocal understanding so if you demonstrate no trust in your staff do not expect them to trust you. If control is your thing then this one will push all your buttons, however you will have to relinquish some control, and give people some freedom around how they do their job.
  • Demonstrate vulnerability – when you are a leader who has been raised on always having the answer, always being right and being the “tough” one then this is really hard. Sharing some of the your stories about when you have struggled or had to ask for help can empower others to speak up.
  • Tell the truth – being honest and as transparent as possible makes a huge difference (and yes I understand that disclosure requirements and commercial sensitivity around transactions sometimes means full transparency is not possible). When there is a vacuum, people fill it with their own stories and interpretations.
  • Incentivise behaviours which reward trust – all too often organisations provide bonuses and rewards based purely on results outcomes, with no regard for how they were achieved. This has been all too apparent in the scandals within financial services, as exposed by the Royal Commission. Metrics around performance are important but if they are the only metrics used employees and managers will soon see what is really important within the organisation and act accordingly (regardless of the values posted on the wall).
 
And remember that trust is built in all the small moments – not in one big annual team building junket! As Simon Sinek says in The Infinite Game:

“Trust must be continuously and actively cultivated.”

And it can only be activated by acting in accordance with our values and in doing what we say we will do, words are cheap after all.

So what small thing can you do today to help build trust in your team?
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Are you following your North Star?

5/1/2021

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Working through complexity and uncertainty requires you to be really intentional about how you are managing your energy, and that doesn't just mean sleeping more hours, although almost of all need that! What it means is thinking about your 4 sources of energy: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, which I have written about before.

The one I feel gets most often overlooked is spiritual energy, and certainly when I was at my unhappiest at work I knew I was attending to the other 3 but I still felt drained because I was missing a source of spiritual energy. Now some of you may be freaked out by the use of the word spiritual, however I am not referring to religion or faith, rather a sense of working for something greater than oneself.

And this is how this element of energy shows up in my series on A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C leadership as we come to N = North Star:

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity

N = North Star

What is your North Star? What is it that guides you in your life and work? Research has shown that no single factor influences people's engagement with their job as much as deriving a sense of purpose from their work.

What is the contribution you make? What matters about what you do? We all want to both understand and truly feel the meaning and purpose of what we are doing, way beyond showing up to pick up a salary or creating greater wealth for the owners of the business. So how can we do this and how we can uncover our own individual sense of purpose?

Determining our own North Star ties in the elements of what makes us Unique: values, strengths, passions and wisdom, as explored in my earlier blog, with the causes that matter to us and the impact that we want to have on the world.

At the end of your life when you look back on all that you have been and done what is the legacy you want to leave? When you celebrate your 80th birthday what would you like people to be saying about how you influenced and impacted them? What kind of person you were?

The author whose work first introduced me to this concept was Bill George in his book Discover Your True North:

"True North is the internal compass that guides you successfully through life"
and

"Leaders are developed not simply born and we can all develop ourselves to be able to guide others. Anyone who follows their internal compass can become an authentic leader."
 
This was one of the first books which challenged me to look within for a sense of meaning rather than outwards, it prompted me to start exploring my stories about who I am and what I am here to do in the world, to realise that leadership is not simply a group of skills to learn but a practice and a process which evolves as we evolve as individuals.

The inner work starts with increasing our self-awareness so that we can identify what makes us unique, and then it pushes us to focus on how we use that unique combination of attributes to move through the world most effectively. This can be incredibly uncomfortable as we have to accept responsibility for our current situation and dig deep into understanding what is pulling us forward. We ask the question why: why are we doing this? Why is it important?

Motivation

It is much more motivating to be moving towards a shining star rather than running away from something we don’t like. This shining star of purpose is absolutely an intrinsic motivator, not an extrinsic one like a bonus or a new car, and it cannot be ticked off a list, it is always slightly out of reach, there is always more work which can be done.

Inherently we know that we don’t do our best work purely in the transaction of money for labour – we do our best work when we work with great people and do something meaningful.
And it is also important to realise that a purpose or North Star is about serving a greater good, not just self-interest. This is where our focus shifts to the impact our work or actions have on others, this is when we really feel that what we do matters. Our job is not our purpose, however when we are fully aligned with our values and strengths it is a reflection of our purpose.

Leadership
 
When we work in leadership roles it is also incumbent upon us to consider the true purpose of the organisation we work for – it is not about becoming a social enterprise but understanding the intersection of higher purpose and business strategy.

As leaders we need to engage our people in reflection at all levels of the organisation, bringing them into a space of collaboration so that they can understand how their role fits into the bigger picture of the organisation’s purpose and how it intersects or aligns with their individual sense of purpose.

Using your purpose as a North Star to guide you will help you centre yourself and ground yourself to lead effectively when it’s needed most, and it will be a source of inspiration and energy.

​What is your North Star?
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Are you holding on too tightly?

25/11/2020

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As author and researcher Brene Brown writes in her book Dare to Lead, a leader is:

“anyone who takes responsibility for finding the potential in people and processes, and who has the courage to develop that potential.”
 
So being an A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leader demands that we look beyond our own needs and focus on those of our team members so that we Engage and Empower them to develop their potential, which is the E of my blog series.

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity

Engagement

One of our most fundamental needs as human beings is connection with one another and a feeling that we belong to “the tribe”. Key to this is treating people as a “whole” person, allowing them to bring their true self to the workplace.

This is a huge shift from just a couple of decades ago when you were expected to turn up at an office, wearing not only the corporate dark suit but also the corporate mask. Emotions were to be checked at the door, along with any stories of personal trials and tribulations. We were taught to compartmentalise our lives.

Well, life has changed, and there is a growing realisation that if we want access to the whole talent pool and for those people to do their best work then we need to engage with the whole human being who walks through the door not just the cookie cutter corporate persona.
Engagement has been defined in leadership literature as the willingness to expend additional effort to get a job done. Research has shown time and again that an engaged workforce is more energised, resulting in improved productivity and profitability and more successful than those who are not.

So how to increase engagement?

  • Connection: Let’s start with building relationships with the human being behind the title, take an interest in their lives, celebrate the milestones of their lives, demonstrate compassion when they are struggling. Building your sense of empathy will enable you to do this in a genuine way.
  • Gratitude: Everyone wants to feel seen and appreciated so initiating a culture of gratitude builds people up. This is not about a glib surface level “thank you”, this is about paying attention to the work those around you are doing and acknowledging when they are doing something well. This is a shift away from the old school view that there is no need to thank because “it’s their job” and it is great to encourage team members to recognise each other’s contributions and be really specific about what they are grateful for.
  • Purpose: Identifying the purpose of the business (or team) and the core values which support that allow you to build a culture focused on all working towards the same goals. People want to leave work feeling the sense of fulfilment that they worked towards something meaningful. Daniel Pink’s work on motivation demonstrated that purpose is one of the most powerful motivators there is.
  • Communication: Once you have identified the purpose of your organisation or team then it is important to keep talking about it, and living true to its values. It is also important to communicate as openly with staff as possible on all aspects of company performance as uncertainty breeds insecurity and disengagement. Harvard did a study on the efficacy of check-ins with managers and found that it didn’t matter what the content of the check-in was, the mere fact of having a regular check-in increased performance.
  • Strengths: Research by Gallup has repeatedly shown that when people use their strengths and have an opportunity to do what they do best then they are six times more likely to be engaged in their jobs. This is an area in which I particularly enjoy working with people as they discover not only what their strengths are but also how to use them optimally and draw on them when they need them.
  
And if our people are engaged how can we Empower them to grow and do their best work?

Empowerment

Daniel Pink’s work on motivation demonstrated very clearly that there are limitations on using extrinsic motivators such as bonuses and benefits to engage and empower people, and we need to get to know the individual to really understand their intrinsic motivators. He identified 3 key intrinsic motivators being Autonomy, Mastery and Purpose. I have outlined purpose above as part of engagement, and the other two really create the space for empowerment:

  • Autonomy: As leaders we need to know when to let go, when to set the direction and then let people determine the best way to get there. This means trusting them and allowing them to make decisions about how they do their work. Providing a safe space to make mistakes and learn from them is part of this. Do you like being told what to do all the time? Probably not, and nor do your team members! When they have a strong sense of purpose it is easier to ensure everyone is heading towards the same goals without being so prescriptive.
  • Mastery: Everyone likes to get better at what they do so how can you support people to build their skills, and develop their mastery of the things which are important to them? This ties back in with recognising their strengths and enabling them to utilise those strengths more frequently.

​What are you doing to engage the people around you? And are you empowering them or are you holding on so tightly to the reins that they don't have a chance to explore their own creativity and build their own strengths? Letting go of control can be one of the hardest things we have to do as leaders!
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Are you connecting with your heart?

8/11/2020

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This blog brings me to the H in my series on A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leadership, which is Head & Heart.

A key learning for me over the last few years has been the importance of reconnecting my head with my heart and my body. Our society and our education system are very geared up to reward our cognitive capabilities so we learn to cut ourselves off from all the other great learning and data our heart and body can provide.

Even one of the 20th century’s greatest thinkers , Albert Einstein said

"And certainly we should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. It cannot lead, it can only serve; and it is not fastidious in its choice of a leader."

And yet I believe we have made intellect our leader. This is especially true if you work in technical fields; certainly I know that through all my technical training as an accountant I was required to operate wholly with my head, yet as we become more senior and take on leadership roles it becomes increasingly important to connect with our heart. If we are not careful we look at development plans through the lens of what additional technical skills do I need to master, what knowledge do I need to acquire, rather than a broader perspective on how can I bring my best self?

We also see this disconnect with doctors who may be academically and technically brilliant and yet have a terrible bedside manner which leaves a patient feeling like a number rather than a person, which is not conducive to them getting the best care, or optimising their recovery. Connecting with our hearts (and bodies) allows us to tap into our own emotional responses, and that in turn enables us to connect with others at a deeply human level.

In the modern corporate world emotional responses and intuition are often dismissed, and yet they are rich with information for us, whereas rational thought and analysis are held up as the gold standard of decision making, whilst they may be missing important elements of information. I am not suggesting that we only focus on emotions and intuition, rather that we should be accessing all aspects of our intelligence.

When we become mindful and pay attention to our heart and other organs we will discover that there are physiological signals we receive significantly before our brains catch up. Developing this awareness of our sensations and emotions leads to us building our embodied self-awareness as well as our conceptual self-awareness.

So how can we do this?

We must start by creating time and space to connect with our heart, to slow down the task-oriented action and ask ourselves what do I really care about? Allowing ourselves to unwind and sense in our bodies what it feels like to care. If you place your hand on your heart as you focus on someone you love you can sense what happens in your heart - you may notice warmth, openness or softness.

We can do a similar exercise connecting with our gut – there’s a reason we have expressions like “having a knot in our stomach”. When something either upsets me or delights me what am I feeling in my belly?

About a decade ago I attended a yoga retreat and a therapist asked me what my gut instinct was on a decision I was struggling with. I burst into tears because I felt so distraught that I had cut myself off from my gut to such a degree that I had no idea what my gut was telling me – no wonder I could never make a decision!

As we build our ability to sense what happens in our own heart and bodies we are also building our ability to connect with compassion with others, and that is something we absolutely need as leaders. When you come from a place of being centred and with a strength in your core about who you are and why you do what you do, you will be able to listen to you those around you with greater empathy, and when you communicate from that place you will be able to inspire them in a whole new way. You will also be able to maintain your own healthy boundaries and get new perspectives on priorities.

This takes practice, unfortunately there is no shortcut. Going to a yoga class is not a panacea, I had been doing yoga for years when I realised I had no sense of a gut instinct! What matters is learning to pay attention to what is happening in your body, and this is why I love to bring breathing and simple movement exercises into my coaching.

Are you bring all your senses to work? Are you tapping into all aspects of your intelligence to connect with people and make decisions? Or are you operating purely from your cognitive capabilities - your head?

There is no doubt that if you start to do this work you will feel vulnerable but vulnerability is key to building  trust and trust is essential if you are to lead. So perhaps it is time to take some deep belly breaths and dive into powerful authenticity?

​A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity
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Are you ready for transformation?

25/10/2020

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As I continue my series on A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C leadership we come to Transformation - and you may wonder how transformation can be part of authenticity?

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity

T = Transformation


In our bid to bring our authentic selves to work we can get caught up in the idea that being authentic means simply showing up as we are, with a “take me or leave me” attitude. Nothing could be further from the truth!

To be authentic leaders we must also be willing to keep learning and growing, to focus on becoming who we want to be. It can be so tempting for us to rely on our usual behaviours when we are challenged but to achieve growth we must move out of our comfort zone and try things which may not come naturally.

Transformation means changing the way we make meaning of the world, and there are times in our lives when external circumstances will push us to do that - when we first leave home, start our first job, have our first child, and there will also be times when we need to be absolutely intentional about our own transformation, because we have a vision of a better future.

We all know that in different social settings we instinctively adapt our style of communication – how you banter with your mates at a bar may be a long way from how you speak at a corporate function and yet it doesn’t mean that one is inauthentic. It indicates that you are tuning in to the social signs about what is acceptable. Now sometimes people take this too far and in being chameleon-like they come across as insincere, yet if you don’t modify your behaviour according to circumstances you will probably strike people as socially inept!

Keep evolving & be prepared to change

We should be prepared to try on many leadership and communication styles as we progress in our careers as what worked in one setting may not in another and if we become too stuck in a single “but this is how I do it” mindset we shut ourselves off to the possibilities of adaptability. Some of those stories which created who we are today have passed their use-by date so we must keep evolving and revising our view of our authentic self. It can be helpful to look at some of those old stories from a fresh perspective so that we reframe our view of ourselves in a way which allows us to move forward. This won't always be easy - after all, to take on new possibilities means we will have to let go of some long held beliefs, assumptions and behaviours, which have protected us for years, and that can make us mighty uncomfortable!

As we grow up our brains are highly attentive to our social and emotional environment, and we adapt in ways which ensure we optimise safety, connection to others and respect from others. As an example one of my clients was very much socialised as a young girl to believe that she must not stand out or be different, and another was brought up to believe that he was only worthy of respect if he could fight his way out of a corner. Both of these adaptations protected these individuals in many ways as they grew up, however now these very same behaviours are getting in the way of their growth as leaders so it is important to unpack the stories driving the behaviours, and choose a new story and a new mindset.

It can feel very strange to try new mindsets and stories but if we see these experiments as all part of our learning then we needn’t be so afraid of failing or letting others down. This is all part of adopting a growth mindset, which enables us to see ourselves as capable of change and flexibility in the face of new circumstances. Find multiple role models and learn from all of them so that rather than trying to copy one you develop your own voice. Share with your family, direct reports or peers what you are working on so that they can support you.

Our experiences and our interpretation of them play an integral role in shaping who we are and by continually pushing the boundaries of those experiences and learning from them we can fundamentally change how we interact with others – without needing a personality transplant!!

Seeing what is on the other side of transformation can pull you forward, for as author Anais Nin said:
​"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."

Or as Muhammed Ali once said:
"A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life."
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Do You Know What Makes You Unique?

4/10/2020

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Are you showing up as the leader you want to be? Do you know what sets you apart from those around you?

Continuing my exploration of what it means to be an A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leader, this week I am considering what it means to truly understand that you are Unique.

A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity
​
Each one of us is unique and to become an exceptional and authentic leader we must embrace our differences.

It is very easy to slip into thinking along the lines of "I am a __________(fill in the blank with your title or profession) and there are lots of those around, so I don't bring anything special", yet only you have your particular blend of values, strengths, passions and wisdom. It is this special blend which helps you uncover your purpose and create your aspirations.

Taking time to explore each of these elements in depth is the only way for us to own our stories, and author the next chapters in the way we choose rather than being directed by the expectations of others.


As Oscar Wilde said:
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

So how can you explore this facets of your self:

Values

Ask yourself what is most important to you, and what does success in living these values look like for you? To assist on doing this work make sure you download my Freedom & Fulfilment e-book with the button at the top of this page. You can prioritise them by asking yourself which ones you need satisfied above all others.

Finding greater clarity on your values can help you make tough decisions, as they can act as your compass when you are wondering which path to  take, and they can and also alert you to when you are not operating in alignment with them so that you can make new choices

​Strengths

All too often many of us focus on our weaknesses and we entirely overlook our strengths - this is often because what we are naturally good at comes easily to us and we assume it comes easily to everyone else as well and don't give ourselves credit for it.

I highly recommend taking the VIA Character Strengths assessment, which you can find here (it is a free assessment), to build your language around what your strengths are and how you can leverage them. Research has shown that using your strengths a lot significantly increases your ability to thrive and do your best work.

Passions

What is it you really care about deeply? What are the things in life which light you up and bring you joy? It is only when we incorporate these things into our lives that we can truly flourish.

A helpful exercise can be to think back to when you were young and reconnect with the things which lit you up as a child as this can provide clues for where you might rediscover your passions.

Wisdom

What have you learned from the most difficult times of your life? Every obstacle we have faced has presented us with an opportunity to learn a lesson which we can use in the future. Every nasty icky bit of life which we would rather forget has given us the capacity to grow empathy for others who are suffering.

The resilience we have learnt during adversity can help us face new challenges as look to grow, and this can help us take the lead when others are faltering. Learning from when we made poor choices can help us make wise choices in the future, and we can share our experiences with others.

Stories

Unpacking our stories, the good, the bad and the ugly, and turning them over in our hands allows us to get to grips with who we are and what we have to offer the world. It enables us to push back on the "shoulds", which are all the things we believe we "should" do because someone else said so.

These are all the elements which make us Unique and help us figure what we bring to our leadership role that only we can bring. These are the things which help us author our own story as a leader.
​
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9 Steps to AUTHENTIC Leadership

17/9/2020

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When I was younger I spent way too many years of my career in roles where I wasn't happy, where I didn't feel like I was making a valuable contribution, where I didn't feel like I was learning and growing, and where I did not connect with the organisation's purpose.

Ultimately it was the realisation that I was being a terrible role model to my 2 daughters which made me examine my own behaviours. I was saying one thing, about growing up to do whatever you want, yet there I was miserable and trapped in a job I didn't like - I was not walking my talk!

It was these experiences which brought me to coaching, initially to help get me "unstuck" so that I could take action move forward, and then to learn more about how to show up authentically and fulfil my potential. This is why I am so passionate about supporting professionals to become authentic leaders, who truly connect their heads and their hearts. This is the only way to step up and shine in your role, and to find greater fulfilment.

So what does it mean to show up as an authentic leader?

I love researcher Brene Brown's definition:

"Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable."

In the complex and uncertain times in which we live, when trust is in short supply, cultivating human connections with our employees and our peers is more critical than ever and at the heart of doing that lies authenticity. No-one will follow, or do their best work for, a leader they don't trust or believe is "real".

If you have ever felt you had to wear a mask at work in order to fit in, and if you are a woman or a member of a minority group then you almost certainly have, then it can feel like a substantial challenge to take off the mask and show up fully as YOU. So my next series of blogs are going to address how to become an A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. leader.

 A = Awareness & Acceptance

The starting point for authenticity is awareness because until we know who we are how can we show up as our best selves? Perhaps this sounds crazy but when we are chasing the next promotion or trying desperately to climb to the next rung of the career ladder it can be very easy to lose touch with who we really are inside.

Self-awareness is your ability to monitor both your inner and outer world and is a key component of emotional intelligence, which is critical to leadership. So how can we develop our self-awareness?
  • Practice mindfulness and / or meditation to learn to notice what is happening in our bodies
  • Learn to recognise our emotions, and then ask what triggers particular emotions in us
  • Explore our values and understand what is most important to us so that we begin to act in alignment with those values, and also recognise when we are not so that we can course correct along the way
  • Pay attention to what energises us and what depletes – in all the realms of energy: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual
  • Seek feedback on other people’s perceptions of us as it is important not to see ourselves only through our own lens
  • Journal so that we can work though thoughts and observe patterns

Acceptance is about being honest & realistic about where you are at right now, simultaneously accepting responsibility for the part you have played in getting to this point and acknowledging that not everything is within your control.

Self-acceptance can be a struggle because most high achievers are hard-wired to be looking to the next goal or “win” but it is possible to accept your current situation, whilst still being curious about how to be better. This requires us to acknowledge our limitations and our strengths and that, unlike Mary Poppins, who was “practically perfect in every way” we are all perfectly imperfect. And it is when we allow ourselves to turn up with our imperfections that we make it safe for those around us to bring their imperfections, which enables us to build trust and work together effectively.

It can be challenging to at once think "I am enough" and "I want to do better", and the quote I love which I keep returning to when I am struggling with this balance is this:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Carl Rogers

This is where AUTHENTIC leadership starts.

​A = Awareness & Acceptance
U = Unique
T = Transformation
H = Head & Heart
E = Engage & Empower
N = North Star
T = Trust
I = Influence & Impact
C = Compassion, Courage & Curiosity

with love

Sue

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