Blog Posts

Is it time to take a leap?

6/2/2020

Now the kids are back at school and the office is once again fully staffed the end of January is when we in Australia finally get back into business mode. This is a time to look at what is ahead of us in 2020, what do we want to achieve this year? What do we want to have seen /done / created by 31 December 2020?

Hopefully you took some time for reflection over the summer (if not here is my final blog of 2019 with some prompts for reflection) as well as downtime for fun with family and friends. And perhaps this has highlighted for you some areas where you keen to make changes? Perhaps you are holding in your heart things which you are too afraid to voice out loud because they feel too big and too scary?

If so then 2020 could be the year to challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone. I often work with my clients to challenge them to have the difficult conversations, to change their narratives so that they can get out of their own way, and expose their vulnerabilities so that they can inspire and empower their teams. I would describe this work as supporting them to find the source of their emotional courage.

But this summer I took the opportunity to take some of my own medicine in regard to getting out of your comfort zone in a much more physical way - by jumping out of a plane!!

Skydiving

Jumping out of a plane really does go against all your best instincts! It was something I had wanted to do for years but had never discussed with anyone or sought out an opportunity to do it and then my 17 year old daughter announced that she would really love to do it! Suddenly I seemed to be running out of excuses, and a holiday to Queenstown, NZ was planned around this idea.

So last week my 2 teenage daughters and I all completed a tandem skydive just outside Queenstown, and I have been reflecting ever since on the experience and what I can take from it into my year ahead. How can I harness both the fear and the excitement, indeed all the energy of that morning, and channel it into my business and my life in 2020?

What did I learn?

Fear and excitement are so closely linked that it can be difficult to know which one you are feeling! However focusing on excitement and the positive possibilities from doing something new will enable you to keep moving forward rather than freezing with fear.
I have a tendency to clam up and go quiet when I am scared, and looking after someone else can take my focus off me and away from my discomfort. For all of us focusing on the people we serve can shift the fear, for example focusing on what you want your audience to learn redirects your energy around public speaking.
Teenagers are more wired for risk than their parents (which can get them in all sorts of trouble!) Most of the girls' friends when told we were going skydiving said "wow that's cool", whereas most of my friends said "oh my god, that sounds terrifying". As we get older we need to keep reminding ourselves to do something new and scary so that we keep growing.
Everyone processes experiences and fear differently - one daughter was beside herself with excitement and one was much more scared - and interestingly when we went white water rafting 2 days later the roles were reversed. So never dismiss or diminish another person's anxieties, you have not lived their life.
We often forget what we have previously achieved or diminish its value: as we went up in the plane I told myself that if you can push out two babies you can do this! And not just giving birth because raising teenagers must be one of the hardest jobs in the world!
That also led to the realisation that I have seriously neglected reflection in my past. I have done many things which pushed me out of my comfort zone physically (snowboarding, canyoning, performing, public speaking, emigrating to Australia) and yet I have not usually translated that into new perspectives for my work. I have tended to do them and then move without more thought.
I have always maintained that I would rather do a skydive than a bungee jump, however later in the week I realised that I no longer felt so fearful of the bungee, and it dawned on me that I could do it (my budget didn't think so however!), my perception of the fear had definitely shifted.
The world is a very beautiful place and sometimes seeing it from a new vantage point can shift absolutely how you feel about a person, place or event - the whole week in Queenstown reminded me of the importance of being out in nature and how that grounding can help you put work back in perspective.

So what now?

So what does all this mean for me in 2020?

The scariest moment in skydiving is that moment when you have to let go, and drop into the unknown, and so it is in life. We can do all the planning and preparation in the world and yet there is always something we have to let go off in order to move forward. We can visualise and seek clarity about what we are stepping into and yet there is always an element of the unknown, there is always uncertainty in that next venture, role or relationship. We have to trust that we have done the work and we have to let ourselves fall "for I will be caught by who I am becoming" (from Let Me Fall by Josh Groban - thank you to my teacher David Drake for sharing this wonderful lyric with me).

For me this means in 2020 stepping away from my identity and role and safety net as a CFO and working full time on building my coaching practice. I am hugely passionate about supporting professionals to be courageous and compassionate leaders leading purpose driven organisations, and having a much larger impact in the world by creating a ripple effect out from those whole-hearted leaders.

And whenever I am scared I shall remind myself that I started the year by jumping out of a plane!!

What will you do this year that scares you?

#CFOs #leadership #courage

If you would like support in becoming a courageous and compassionate leader, leading a purpose-driven organisation, and achieving your goals in 2020 please contact me at [email protected].

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How are you growing your capacity as a leader?

29/9/2019

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Becoming complacent is one of the biggest threats to effective leadership – it is essential that we realise that personal and professional growth are inherently linked and that we do not achieve a role or title and then everything stops! Growth is an on-going process, and in a world that is changing so fast it becomes even more important that we engage fully with this process.

What’s driving us?

As we grow up we internalise so many lessons from our parents, our education, our cultural background, which go on to inform how we operate in the world as adults. We develop strategies to deal with other people and perspectives for looking at challenges, and when these strategies and perspectives deliver what we want we continue to use them, thus reinforcing them as our preferred ways of operating. However there comes a point in everyone’s development and leadership journey when those old patterns no longer deliver what we hope for, when we face a challenge for which the beliefs and assumptions underlying those patterns have not prepared us.

What got you here, won’t get you there

For example we may have progressed this far by being technically excellent, always remaining in control and “winning” at promotion time, yet there comes a stage when if we want to grow a team or an organisation we need to be able to collaborate with others, develop the talents of team members and allow creativity and innovation to flourish.
As the old adage goes “what got us here, won’t get us there” so how can we respect those original behaviours and the fact that they were formed for good reasons, and at the same time open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities for change?

Removing the armour

Letting go of the need to have all the answers and stay in control requires us to be vulnerable, it leaves us feeling exposed – in Brene Brown’s Dare to Lead she describes this as taking off the armour, and this is what we must do if we are to become authentic and effective leaders. It is the only way we can truly connect with others with empathy and compassion, so that we can empower and inspire them to step with us into an unknown future.

Owning our Tree of Life

One way to do this is to explore our own stories so that we can see how we have arrived where we are right now. Accepting that these stories have formed the roots of our personal tree of life frees us to non-judgementally ask new questions, and we can start to unpack how those stories have both helped and hindered us. This enables us to prune the branches of that tree, allowing space for new growth, which in turn enables us to see new possibilities and try new behaviours. Questions such as:

What do you gain by seeing yourself in this way?

How else might you see yourself?

What do you risk by seeing yourself in this way?

What are the other possibilities?

To lead authentically we must own our stories and also consider how we want to frame those stories moving forward so that we lead with humility, integrity and compassion.

If you would like support stepping up into your next role or how to increase your leadership capacity please book in a discovery call with me for a confidential no-obligation chat today here or email to [email protected]

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How Fast Are You Running?

11/8/2019

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Having just passed financial year end this can be the time that the workload of many accounting and finance professionals shifts up a gear as we deal with auditors and reporting deadlines as well as business as usual. When there is lots to be done it can feel completely counter-intuitive to hit pause and take time for reflection.

And yet this is absolutely essential if we want to make progress towards our goals. We need to slow down to go faster!

Cramming a million things into our day and working longer and longer hours often results in us going round in circles or getting so bogged down in the weeds that we can't lift our heads above water, which is a sure way to move towards burnout.

So often a client will sit in front of me full of nervous energy, and a growing sense of overwhelm at the long list of things they need to do, and the impossibility of fitting it all into their working week, and the best thing we can do right at that moment is to sit and breathe, grounding ourselves in the here and now. As they slow their breathing and get connected with the senses in their body they switch on the parasympathetic nervous system, which literally opens their mind to new possibilities so they can move forward with greater clarity about what is most important.

Scheduling a dedicated time in a safe space to explore your assumptions, your ideas and your thinking can actually create more freedom to figure out new ways forward, which will ultimately get you to your desired goal more effectively.

There is a fabulous quote from Abraham Lincoln "Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I will spend four hours sharpening the axe." We need to prepare ourselves to do our best work.

A great strategy is to carve out some time purely for thinking and planning, and lock this into your calendar as if it were a meeting with an external stakeholder because too often we have good intentions about this time but allow it to be over-ruled by the demands of other people. Another obstacle which often gets in the way of us taking this time is an underlying assumption that it is more important to be "doing" than thinking; so many of us are uncomfortable with the idea of having nothing to do or complete in that time, yet that safe space with boundaries of time is exactly the space we need for new ideas to emerge.

Another key element for this space for thinking and reflection is a consideration of the physical space - getting away from the distractions of the open plan office and into a new space without interruptions - even better if it involves walking outside in nature!

How are you creating time and space for reflection and growth? Time for exploring ways to improve your life at work and that of your team? How are you preparing yourself before you get onto those starting blocks?

I love working with clients to provide them with the space and the sounding board that they need so they ensure they keep their focus on what is really important, as well as holding up the mirror so they have an opportunity to see how they are showing up in other people's eyes.

If you would like support stepping up into your next role and how to increase your leadership capacity please book in a discovery call with me for a confidential no-obligation chat today here or email to [email protected]

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What do you want to be when you grow up?

15/4/2018

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I have always envied those people who just KNEW what they wanted to do with their lives. Those people who at young age could say with absolute conviction "I'm going to be a doctor" or teacher, or pilot, and then single-mindedly focus on reaching that goal.

At different times as a kid I wanted to be a dancer, a brain surgeon or an actor, yet somehow I ended up as an accountant! I wanted to travel and speak in foreign languages, and I rationalised that pursuing this career would allow me to do that and it did for a short while. It certainly could have provided those opportunities for my whole career but something was missing for me.

I wanted to be passionate and driven like other people I knew but I seemed to flounder around for a long time, with no clear idea of what my "thing" would be.

I kept expecting either an epiphany to strike me, telling me where to take my career, or alternatively an amazing opportunity to land in my lap, shouting "THIS IS IT!"

Strangely enough neither of those things happened!!

Through a combination of coaching, self-help books, personal development courses and meditation I realised that there is no "one" purpose I can find out there in the world in the sense of a role or job! Instead the keys to uncovering my purpose are:

- exploring who I am on the inside;

- taking time to reflect on my strengths, passions, skills, and my wisdom (based on my lived experiences);

- being brave enough to put myself out there and try new things;

- accepting who I am and being prepared to be a beginner again, bringing both curiosity and compassion to that experience;

- thinking about who I want to BE in the world and focusing on what I can do right now to get closer to BEING that person.

These are all steps in becoming an authentic leader in your organisation, or community and IN LIFE.

I discovered that I love learning and growing but also importantly that I love teaching and sharing, and empowering others to step up to achieve what they dream of. And that's why I do the work I do now. This is about an intention and a way of being, rather than purely a role.

It’s funny because my father-in-law tells me how interesting it must be to be an accountant, and to really understand how business works, and of course he’s absolutely right, and I have clients who are finance professionals who knew very young that they wanted to be accountants. Whether that was the case or they fell into it as I did, those who find most fulfilment are those who develop their self-awareness around what they bring to the role and build an understanding of who they serve through their work, how they serve and WHY they serve.

Finding meaning and purpose in your work, and figuring out how you can best serve others, while remaining true to your authentic self has been shown to make you happier and healthier, and who wouldn't want that?!

What's your purpose? I'd love to hear from you.

I love working with people to figure out their own individual purpose, as well as working with leadership teams to articulate that of their team or organisation, so if you would like support with that please contact me at [email protected]

Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in working with people to help them find freedom and fulfillment in their careers. She also runs corporate wellbeing & leadership programs based on using mindfulness and positive psychology to enable people to bring their very best selves to work. To learn more or set up a call please click here.

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Can You Bend With The Storm? My 6 top tips for building resilience

20/2/2018

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Resilience is an inner strength, one we can draw on when times are tough, however its important to realise that this is not a “grin and bear it” sort of strength. It requires strength and flexibility – imagine being a willow tree (or palm tree as in the photo above), which is able to bend and flex with the storm, and then recover its full stature once the wind subsides. It is not like an oak tree which may have its branches snapped off, or which in a really intense gale may be broken in two at the trunk.

So how can we build this inner strength and flexibility?

Firstly we should realise that building resilience takes time and we can learn to be more resilient every day, so that when we face major challenges we have already cultivated the internal resources. We can do this on a daily basis by asking the question “what can I do to do my best today?”

These are my top 6 tips for building resilience:

1. Self-compassion

So often we equate resilience with toughing something out but it is essential that we acknowledge when things are hard, and give ourselves a break. Being on your own side and talking to yourself as you would to a good friend can motivate you towards change much more efficiently than beating yourself up. Our brains work better when we feel supported rather than threatened, so give up the mean girl inner voice!

2. Rest & recovery

Make sure you build sufficient rest and recovery time into your life – plenty of sleep at night and also breaks during the day. It turns out that just as interval training is good for our bodies, with its pattern of high intensity followed by recovery, our brains also need a pattern of activity followed by recovery in order to rejuvenate. Try short meditations, or breathing exercises, or a walk around the block to clear your mind and switch it off from the activity which is depleting it. None of us bounce so well when we are exhausted!

3. Bite -size chunks

I love the old riddle of how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! (boom-tish!) Almost anything is surmountable if you can break it down into bite-size chunks. Just focus on the next step you need to take.

4. Celebrate small successes

Rather than waiting until you have achieved a major goal, find opportunities to celebrate the milestones along the way. Reward yourself for making progress and you will motivate yourself to keep going.

5. Ask for help

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you are struggling – allowing yourself you to be vulnerable empowers those around you to step up, which can give you a chance to recover your equilibrium. Everyone needs a support team.

6. Seek out & savour

Our brains are like Teflon for positive experiences and Velcro for negative ones (for evolutionary reasons) so to enhance your well-being seek out activities which bring you joy and also ensure that you really savour those moments. Fully internalise those feelings into your body and you will always have them there to draw upon.

And ALWAYS remember the following:

“You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” AA Milne, Winnie The Pooh

If you are interested in finding freedom & fulfilment in your life or supporting your staff to find them in theirs then please get in touch to discuss either one-on-one coaching or a workshop designed to improve the well-being and performance of your whole team, contact me at [email protected]

Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in helping people unleash the power of their potential.

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“that superwoman thing…. It’s totally ridiculous!”

4/11/2017

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Recently I read a fantastic quote from Quentin Bryce, the former Governor General: “I did that Superwoman thing……. it’s totally ridiculous! Attempting to be the perfect wife, worker, host and mother is just not sustainable.” (Business Chicks Latte magazine)

And she’s absolutely right of course! So why is it that so many of us get caught up in this expectation of ourselves?

“Liberated to be our fathers”

In her book, Unfinished Business, this is how author Anne-Marie Slaughter describes the wave of feminism which first opened up the possibility of equality in the workplace. We wanted the same opportunities as our brothers and yet there was very little discussion of how the rest of domestic life would get looked after so we tried to be our mother and our father and take on both roles. Then we berated ourselves for not doing either of them well enough!!

I believe it is because we were raised to believe we could have it all, and I still believe we can in so many ways but perhaps not all at the same time, and maybe we just don’t need to be perfect at everything?

In my coaching work I often talk with clients about work / life integration, because although I don’t think about this as something which needs to be evenly balanced at all times, you do need to be able to incorporate all those elements which make you a healthy well-rounded individual. We cannot completely compartmentalise each part of our life, and say that box is where my personal life lives and that box is where my career goes.

I see this with friends and clients, women trying to please everyone all the time and ending up sad, frustrated or burnt out. I certainly wanted to be all things to all people and it is exhausting!!!

So how do you shift your expectations?

1. Know your priorities

Now that I am older and wiser (a little!) I can see that the key to managing your life is to know where your priorities lie, and then spend time on those and outsource all the rest. What are the most important things for me to spend my time on? What are my values and how can I live by them?

2. Ask for help

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, in fact I see it as a sign of strength because it means you are sufficiently self-aware to know where your own strengths are best utilised and where you should call on another person’s strengths to support you.

It really does take a village to raise a child and given that we no longer live in extended family units we need to build relationships with family, friends and professionals so that we have somewhere to turn.

When my kids want time with me they want to really know that I am present, and after all isn’t one of the reasons I work so that I can pay someone else to help do the domestic chores?

3. Self-care

When we are giving to others all the time sometimes we forget to look after ourselves. There is a very good reason why airlines ask you to put on your own oxygen mask before attending to children: we cannot look after others unless we are healthy and well ourselves. And I mean that beyond a simple lack of health problems but in terms of seeking optimal well-being by looking after all aspects of our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy levels.

We all need time out and I know that can be hard to find when you have children but it is crucial to enabling you to be at your best at both work and home, so again ask for help!

4. Self-compassion

Isn’t it crazy that we beat ourselves up over things we did or didn’t do, or things we said or how we behaved? Listen to that voice in your head, would you ever speak to a loved one in the same way you talk to yourself? Most of us are good at using kindness on other but not so much on ourselves. Talk to yourself as you would to a good friend: comforting, supporting, encouraging, motivating.

I am “enough”

I am also learning to accept that I am “enough” as I am, I don’t have to be a domestic goddess or a super-mum or a corporate high-flyer, I can just be me, a woman who is fulfilling all those roles in her own way, and to best of her ability and without the need to be “perfect”. And that will have to be enough for everyone else too.

If you are interested in re-balancing your own life or supporting your staff to re-balance theirs then please get in touch to discuss either one-on-one coaching or a workshop designed to improve the well-being and performance of your whole team, contact me at [email protected]

Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in helping people unleash the power of their potential.

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Mediocrity Over Merit: Why Targets For Women Don't Work

14/10/2017

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Anyone who knows me, knows that I was going to walk into a debate with the above title absolutely certain about which way I was going to vote! And given that the two speakers, Yolanda Beattie, and Ming Long have both spent much of their careers highly involved in the drive for gender equity I did wonder how either one could argue for this motion!

CAANZ’s annual charity fundraising High Tea #cahightea on Friday was the setting for this debate and it provided an excellent afternoon’s conversation, and I want to share an overview of their arguments.

Yolanda: Why targets DON’T work

Well, I was wrong in thinking neither could argue for this motion! Yolanda did a terrific job, with the focus of her argument being the mediocrity we see around the setting, monitoring and measuring of targets.

A target alone is an insufficiently nuanced tool, which can be manipulated by leaders looking to meet KPIs determining their bonuses, and can also create an “us and them” mentality. This results in us losing sight of the desired outcome, which is actually to achieve diversity of thought and experience in a team.

The misplaced focus on targets doesn’t place any emphasis on building a culture where women feel valued. Even if a target is met and the percentage of women increases this may not improve outcomes as greater diversity often leads to increased conflict if it is not appropriately managed.

Yolanda also made the very reasonable point that over the last 5 years targets have not worked as we have simply not moved any closer to gender parity, despite the number of organisations which have introduced them.

Yolanda’s rallying call was for a focus on mindful leadership and cultural change to build inclusiveness, rather than the clumsy tool of targets.

Ming: Why targets DO work

Acknowledging that she and Yolanda are actually in “furious agreement”, Ming argued that good targets DO work and that any argument supporting the status quo is one for mediocrity.

For a long time we have tried to “fix” women to fit into a patriarchal system and now it’s time for systemic change. Ming pointed out that merit is a myth, which is very much in the eyes of the beholder, so we cannot rely on that as a means to promote women.

After all, why is it that if we implement targets we assume the women offered roles are mediocre? Why are those women then expected to prove their value? After all, haven’t we all seen enough mediocre men in leadership positions? And why if a man is promoted is merit assumed? Unless of course you believe the definition of MERIT is actually:

Males
Elevated
Regardless of
Intellect or
Talent

Targets are a threat to the power of middle-class white men, however achieving better gender equity will actually give them permission to live healthier, more fulfilling lives, once we scrap the limitations of stereo-typed roles. So everyone will benefit, and change has been so glacial that we need targets.

And the winner?

I was surprised by how close the vote was (in a room which was majority female as this event was previously badged as a CA Women’s event), which demonstrates just how well Yolanda argued what was in my opinion the more difficult position. Ultimately the excellent moderator Jan Fran (of SBS’s The Feed) called in favour of Ming’s assertion that targets DO work.

So what’s next?

In the post-debate discussion both women agreed that we need a paradigm shift at senior leadership level, with a much greater focus on values, connecting those to purpose and building inclusive cultures where we can celebrate a wide range of strengths and enable all types of people to thrive.

Mandated quotas are definitely on the table now, particularly at Board level, in order to shift the dial in a significant way more quickly in the way that Norway has.

And what about “leaning in”?

Yolanda said women still need to learn to play the game, whilst we are changing the game. Ming reflected on her own need as an introvert to learn to speak up publicly because you have to adapt to the status quo until you are in leadership and can change the status quo.

This is however why we need men to involved in this discussion, because currently they are so entrenched in the powerful positions in organisations, and they can help open the doors.

Key to getting men involved?

As leaders we should start asking men why they are not taking their paternity leave and start challenging the stigma attached to men who choose to be the primary carer (or even equal carer). And if they could change one thing right now it would be to mandate a period of paternity leave in the first twelve months of a child’s life, which I love as an idea.

For me this is a key part of shifting the concept of flexibility to not being just for mums but for all those people who care for others or want to give back in other ways to their community.

So no, I didn’t change my mind on my opinion that we should be using targets and quotas, although I absolutely agree that this must be within the context of mindful, whole-hearted leadership, which inspires cultural change. However both Yolanda and Ming gave terrific thought-provoking presentations, which were a catalyst for inspiring conversation and they are both inspiring women who are really determined to make change happen.

Thank you to CAANZ for a wonderful afternoon.

I am passionate about supporting leaders and emerging leaders to develop their capacity for mindful, whole-hearted leadership both through one-on-one coaching and development programs. For more information please contact me at [email protected]

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What will you be doing in 5 years?

14/10/2017

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Will you be living in the same city? Will you be working in the same career? How will you be living your life?

How does that question make you feel?

That was the question which really made me realise I had to make changes in my life. My response was “if I am doing the same thing with my career as I am currently doing then shoot me now!”

A little dramatic I know!

I had been unhappy in my career for a long time, yet felt I had missed the boat in terms of making a career change. I was working part-time in a role which was well-paid and afforded me flexibility to spend time with my young children, so outwardly everything looked great and yet………

I felt unfulfilled and had this niggling feeling that I could be doing something else with my life which would be much more rewarding, and frankly at which I would perform better because I was more interested.

Initially I was able to accept where I was because the kids were so little and I had all this wonderful flexibility but as they got older I realised that I wanted to be a role model who loved her career. What was the point of telling them that you can do anything you like when you grow up whilst I was coming home miserable from work, and hanging on by a thread because of the salary?

There was no epiphany about what I would do next but there was a realisation that unless I made some changes my professional life would not change. I realised that I had had so many other priorities that I had forgotten to invest in my own personal and professional development. I invested in a coach and started exploring free online courses in any subject which interested me. I spent time on personal reflection and I started to visualise a different future for myself. This gave me the courage to pursue much deeper learning and re-training.

I discovered that I am intrigued by the interaction between thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviours, both within one person and between a group of people, and how this translates into the dynamics we see in the workplace. This brought me to coaching and leadership development, and my interest in wellbeing brought me also to positive psychology and how we improve our wellbeing so that we can really flourish.

I love to hold really meaningful conversations with people, posing powerful questions and challenging assumptions, to empower them to find their own answers and create their own path forward.

Can I help you find your way forward so that question no longer scares you?

If you would like to find fulfilment in your career, whilst also having a rich and stimulating life outside work, please download my worksheet called Dare to Dream! This is designed to kickstart a playful self-reflection, which is a great place to start any change journey so that you can figure which way you want to head.

Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in helping people unleash the power of their potential. She also runs corporate wellbeing & leadership programs based on using mindfulness and positive psychology to enable people to bring their very best selves to work.

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Do you know who you are?

28/9/2017

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Have you ever wondered who am I? How did I get here? What brought me to this point in my life? This is not where I was ever supposed to be! I was supposed to be richer / more successful / thinner / stronger / be married / have kids / have my own business etc etc. Then we may feel disappointed and like we have really lost our way, and we ask, what happened to ME?

I find it completely fascinating how our sense of identity can morph as we go through our lives and there are times when those transition phases are really, really challenging, for example I struggled enormously when I first had children. My new role as a mother changed my perspective on so many things in life, particularly in regards to my career, and we all play so many roles - those of daughter / son, brother / sister, parent, boss, employee, friend, that sometimes we can lose sight of what we want. Yet at the core of ourselves we do know what we believe in, what we value and what we stand for, it's just that sometimes we need a little help to rediscover our true essence!

To find a meaningful way to live your life and to do so in a truly authentic way it is essential to understand your own story, and to explore the stories you tell yourself about why you are where you are.

I recently released an e-book entitled Finding Freedom & Fulfilment, designed to prompt you to articulate your values and also to prioritise them. This provides a touchstone when we are faced with challenging situations or difficult decisions and we can ask ourselves, is what I am doing in alignment with my values? Assessing your values is, I believe, always the first step towards discovering who you are. Just click here to start exploring your values.

If you are struggling to find your way forward and would like support with exploring your next steps then please contact me at [email protected] . I love to work with people seeking freedom and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives.

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Have you outgrown your skin?

29/7/2017

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The caterpillar transforming into a butterfly is often used as an analogy for personal growth and transformation – after all who doesn’t love the image of a beautiful butterfly flying away from its broken chrysalis?

But who in everyday human life has time and space to wrap themselves into a chrysalis, ignoring all the intersecting parts of the personal and professional lives, and then emerge to fly away to a lovely new life, leaving all the mess behind?!

I think it is much more helpful to see our growth and development as like that of a snake – as we grow and expand the boundaries of our comfort zone we split open our old skin and a new one takes its place. It may be uncomfortable and even painful at times as we shed one skin for another but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do it. The new skin will fit you better, and will be brighter and stronger, truly allowing you to shine, as you go forth into the world as a new improved version of you.

A new skin is not going to change who you truly are in your core, however it will enable you to build your strengths and focus on those aspects of yourself which have always been there but have been neglected and are now calling out to be nurtured.

There are 3 main challenges around developing your new skin:

1. What will it look like?

The first is knowing what you want your new skin to look like and feel like. You need to give yourself time to figure out what colours and textures suit you – use all your senses to imagine how you want your life in this new skin to look like, feel like, sound like. Immerse yourself in the kaleidoscope of possibilities and be open-minded to opportunities (see this blog if you’re looking for help in finding your direction).

2. How will others respond?

The second is not often talked about and this is the response of loved ones to the new emerging skin. Sometimes they may not be supportive, or may even actively try to prevent you from moving out of your comfort zone and into your new skin and I think it is important to consider why that may be.

A loving spouse may say “but I love you the way you are”, or proffer reasons such as family obligations why you can’t travel overseas for work, or attend a particular workshop. This may be because they feel threatened by the changes they see, and have a fear of losing you so they try to limit the changes you are striving for. This is when communication is so important so that you can explain what you need in your life right now, and sharing your vision for the future can allow them to give you the space for your own development even if they don’t really “get it”. This is where I think the emphasis on still being you, albeit with a new focus on your strengths which are the very best aspects of you, can really help – the snake in its new better fitting skin rather than a butterfly about to fly away!

It may also be that your new activities or way of being challenges the values of friends and family, for example perhaps they don’t feel comfortable with a woman speaking her mind or asking for money, whether it be for herself, her business or a charitable cause. In that case it may be that you have to accept that they hold different values to yourself and you each allow yourself to do things your own way.

3. How can I keep growing into that new skin?

Ultimately, pushing out the edges of your comfort zone and growing a new skin can be both exciting and scary so you need to be very clear on what you want to achieve, and have that vision firmly rooted in your personal values (click here for my e-book on exploring your values). This is essential to ensure that as well as not allowing other people to limit your capacity for growth you are also not limiting yourself with self-doubts.

Change is challenging and it is imperative that you look after your own wellbeing. Finding time for your own self-care and self-reflection may mean you have less time for the agendas of other people, which can cause some friction, especially if they have been used to having you at their beck and call so building a support network is crucial.

You may find yourself drifting away from certain friends as you seek out a tribe where you feel a greater sense of belonging. I am sure we have all had those friends who were great at a certain stage of our lives but with whom we no longer feel we have anything in common. Then there is the new tribe, who are the new people with whom we can discuss our newly discovered interests and ideas, who will challenge us to go further.

However hopefully you also have those family members and long-time friends who will support and encourage you through your personal growth. Remember that their intention is probably to protect you not to limit you, even if sometimes that is not how it feels! They may just need a little more explanation and time to come to terms with what you are doing.

And in the end just focus on how much better you will feel in a new shiny skin which really fits you! (until it is time to burst into the next one!!)

If you are struggling to find your way into your new shiny skin then please contact me at [email protected] . I love to work with people seeking freedom and fulfillment in their personal and professional lives.

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