Sue Rosen
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Finding Freedom & Fulfilment

This is where I update you on my latest thoughts & research into all things relating to self-development!

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Why should I care? (part 2)

12/11/2016

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ENGAGEMENT + WELLBEING = PERFORMANCE

Last week I explored the 5 keys to the engagement part of this equation, being:
  • Trust
  • Purpose
  • Communication
  • Empowerment
  • Strengths
So this week we move on the second part:

Wellbeing

If engagement is primarily about the willingness and motivation to go the extra mile then that willingness alone may not be enough to enable employees to deliver on their potential. This is where we come to the question of wellbeing and what do I really mean by that?

Wellbeing is not just health, or the absence of illness, it goes way beyond that. Dr Felicia Huppert of Cambridge University’s Wellbeing Institute defines it as being “the ability to feel good and function well”. A Towers Watson study in 2012 found that employees who have physical, emotional and social energy as well as willingness are twice as productive as those who are simply engaged. They described these employees as “sustainably engaged”, which recognises that it is possible to have meaning and purpose in what you do but still experience burn-out if you do not look after your own energy levels.

So what is the role of the leader and the organisation in supporting the wellbeing of their employees? Surely it is incumbent upon each of us as individuals to look after our own?

I believe we each have to start with our selves, and everyone in a leadership role should start with their own self-reflection on how they are doing, however if we truly want to lead sustainable successful businesses then we also need to look at how we treat our staff. How can we provide the right resources to support our people be the best they can be? We need to think about what we can do to help support the following sources of energy:

  • Relational / social: relational energy doesn’t deplete in the same way physical, emotional and mental energies do. We all know people who energise us and others who drain us so how can we be the energiser and not the energy vampire! Our emotions are literally contagious, as when we encounter someone there is a neurological exchange which happens predominantly subconsciously as pick up emotional cues. It is absolutely crucial that as a leader we bring the positive emotions we want to see in others into our workspace as being in the dominant position gives us much greater influence on those around us.
 
  • Physical health: what opportunities can we provide to make it easier for people to take physical exercise during the day? Perhaps allow flexibility around hours so that people can get to classes, set up running groups, engage a yoga instructor, introduce standing desks, holding walking meetings. Discourage people from eating at their desks and provide healthy snack rather than junk food;
 
  • Emotional health: positive emotions and positive relationships are two key elements of sustaining emotional health, and one of the simplest ways to foster both is to show appreciation and gratitude for others within your team or organisation. Also focus on positive achievements, and see mistakes as opportunities for learning so that people become more open-minded, creative and innovative;
 
  • Mental health: in a world of digital distractions, set time aside for focusing on creative and strategic work and respect the needs of others to do the same by scheduling and planning where possible so not everything is a crisis which has to be dealt with right this second. Introduce mindfulness practices as these are great tools to help people learn to direct and sustain their attention, and to lower stress;
 
  • Spiritual health: when people are doing work which feels deeply meaningful and aligns with their core values they feel much higher levels of purpose and passion. Encouraging employees to get in touch with their own values or develop a personal mission statement, whilst also clearly communicating the values of the company can ensure that everyone is working towards the same goals.
 
A “caring” company

There is of course a huge cross-over between many of the elements of engagement and wellbeing but central to the whole premise is that demonstrating kindness and compassion towards people and realising that there is no one-size fits all when it comes to wellbeing is the way forward.

Employees very quickly become cynical if they feel that a health or wellness program has been introduced merely as a “tick the box” exercise so it is crucial that you, as a leader, walk the talk. A recent study by the Global Wellness Institute in the US identified that it is not wellness programs per se which improve worker health and productivity, it is whether the employees identify the company as genuinely “caring”. The study found that if employees identified their employer as “caring about their health / wellness” the employee’s overall health, productivity and job satisfaction improved significantly. True caring was related more to intangible aspects of relationship building than tangible wellness programs which had been put in place, although if these were seen as an embodiment of a caring culture then they were well received.

As a leader it is crucial that we look after our own internal energy levels so that we can support those around us with practical programs, but most importantly through coaching and developing them to be the best they can be and by demonstrating our genuine regard for both their engagement and wellbeing. Remember:

Engagement + Wellbeing = Performance
 
If you would like to explore ways to engage your staff (or yourself!) and look after their wellbeing through leadership development training or one-on-one coaching please contact me at [email protected]

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Why should I care? (part 1)

11/11/2016

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How energised do you feel about going to work?

Do you wish you could be more productive?

Are you keen to get the best commitment and performance from your people?

Perhaps as a leader you believe that it should be up to the individual to look after their own wellbeing?

Well, here is why I believe that as a leader, you should care:

ENGAGEMENT + WELLBEING = PERFORMANCE

So what does that mean?

People are essentially social beings and crave connection with one another and a feeling that they belong to “the tribe”. Key to this is treating people as a “whole” person, allowing them to bring their true self to the workplace.

This is a huge shift from just a couple of decades ago when you were expected to turn up at an office, wearing not only the corporate dark suit but also the corporate mask. Emotions were to be checked at the door, along with any stories of personal trials and tribulations. We were taught to compartmentalise our lives.

Well, life has changed and we don’t close the office door at 5pm and leave our work behind us so easily. We are contactable at all hours of night and day, we are interacting frequently with clients and staff around the globe meaning our days stretch as we work in several different times zones.

There is a growing realisation that if we want access to the whole gene pool then we need to provide a broader array of work options to suit different people and to address the whole human being who walks through the door not just the cookie cutter corporate persona.
 
5 keys to engagement

Engagement has been very popular topic in management and leadership literature for the last few years and has been defined as the willingness to expend additional effort to get a job done. So how to increase engagement? These are the key components:

  • Trust: The first step in getting people to engage with the organisation and their roles is to provide an environment where they feel safe and supported. Building trust between leaders and followers and between team mates is crucial to developing a culture where people can deliver their best work. An environment of encouragement will allow people to take risks and think creatively;
 
  • Purpose: Identifying the purpose of the business (or team) and the core values which support that allow you to build a culture focused on all working towards the same goals. People want to leave work feeling the sense of fulfilment that they worked towards something meaningful;
 
  • Communication: If you have identified the purpose of your organisation or team then it is important to keep talking about it, and living true to its values. It is also important to communicate as openly with staff as possible on all aspects of company performance as uncertainty breeds insecurity and disengagement;
 
  • Empowerment: Hire staff with great attitudes and an openness to learning, help them to build the skills you and they need, and then trust in them and allow them to make decisions about how they do their work;
 
  • Strengths: Research by Gallup has repeatedly shown that when people use their strengths and have an opportunity to do what they do best then they are six times more likely to be engaged in their jobs. This is an area in which I particularly enjoy working with people as they discover not only what their strengths are but also how to use them optimally and draw on them when they need them.
 
Wellbeing

If engagement is primarily about the willingness to go the extra mile then that willingness alone may not be enough to enable them to deliver on their potential. This is where we come to the question of wellbeing and that is what I will cover in Part 2 of this post next week, which will cover the key elements of wellbeing both inside and outside the workplace.

Improved performance = Greater Profits!

Business training and literature has long recognised that the biggest asset of a business is its people, however this is only really true when those people are full engaged in what they are doing and are well enough to bring the energy our fast moving world requires.

Gallup’s research has shown that productivity and profitability are both improved by increasing engagement levels, as a result of greater customer satisfaction and lower staff turnover amongst other factors.

And recognising that extrinsic benefits such as bonuses and benefits are limited in their capacity to engage people means it is crucial to get to know the people around us at work so that we can understand their intrinsic motivators, and work together to improve life for all of us, whilst also delivering great business results. And that must be a great reason to care!

If you would like to explore ways to engage your staff (or yourself!) through leadership development training or one-on-one coaching please contact me at [email protected]

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Why am I so tired?!

3/11/2016

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Who else has felt like this just too, too often? Especially on a Monday morning when it is hard to rustle up the enthusiasm to go to work!


And even though we may recognise that we are juggling too many balls and that we really need to get off the treadmill, we just can't even figure out how to do that! Or at other times we don't have much going on but still feel low and lethargic!

Last year Harvard Business Review and The Energy Project undertook a study across 20,000 employees in dozens of countries which showed that 59% of workers feel physically depleted, emotionally drained, mentally distracted and lacking in meaning in purpose. So one thing is for sure, you are not alone!!

You can have all the technical skills in the world and the best team in the world but if you or they are lacking in energy you and they will not perform at your best.

There can be a whole host of reasons why we lack energy and it can be really useful to explore what the reasons behind it are.

If you would like to explore new ways to improve your own performance and productivity by identifying where you need to focus your attention in order to boost your energy please join me for an "energy boost" workshop. This will be a practical hands-on session and you will walk away with tools to help manage your energy levels. Click here to book your spot as there are limited spaces.

If you are interested in re-balancing your own life or supporting your staff to re-balance theirs then please get in touch to discuss either one-on-one coaching or a workshop designed to improve the well-being and performance of your whole team, contact me at [email protected]

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Stop trying to be superwoman!!

27/10/2016

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​Twice in the last few months I have heard this from two very successful women, one being the amazing Imelda Roche who ran Nutrimetics in Australia and then globally for many years, and as far back as 1997 was named as one of the 50 leading Women Entrepreneurs in the world, and the second being Kirstine Stewart, the former head of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation who now heads up Twitter in the US.

It seems crazy that we still need to be given this advice and I certainly hope that my daughters will not get caught up in this expectation of themselves but most women I work with in the corporate world have been caught in this trap at some point.

Supermum (not!)

A few years ago, when my daughters were in primary school, I talked with a friend about what our girls were wearing for book week and it turned out we were both busy sewing costumes. Now bear in mind that my friend is a solicitor in family law and I was working in a senior finance role so neither of us was exactly sitting around with nothing to occupy our time! Why did we feel compelled to plan a costume, go shopping for the right fabric and accessories and then come home and get the sewing machine out?

Personally I can only put this behaviour down to the old mummy guilt playing out. I was raised to value my financial independence and I was also ambitious in terms of achieving a certain status in my career but still I always had the niggling feeling that in some way I would be a better mother if I was at school more or if my child was in a home-made costume rather than one from the party shop. I was trying to relive what my mum did for me but in a completely different world.

Fiercely independent is not always good!

My desire to be independent also meant that I was never very good at asking for help, and given that we had no family living in Sydney, this really meant that my husband and I only had each other to call on. Even he thought I was crazy with some of the projects I have taken on over the years! Somehow men don’t seem to get drawn into this expectation of having to be everything to everybody as much as women do, although I do think men can also be trapped by expectations around being the breadwinner.

I see this with friends and clients, women trying to please everyone all the time and ending up sad, frustrated or burnt out. I certainly wanted to be all things to all people and it is exhausting!!!

So how do you shift your expectations?

  • Know your priorities

Now that I am older and wiser (a little!) I can see that the key to managing your life is to know where your priorities lie, and then spend time on those and outsource all the rest. What are the most important things for me to spend my time on? What are my values and how can I live by them?

  • Ask for help

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, in fact I see it as a sign of strength because it means you are sufficiently self-aware to know where your own strengths are best utilised and where you should call on another person’s strengths to support you.

It really does take a village to raise a child and given that we no longer live in extended family units we need to build relationships with family, friends and professionals so that we have somewhere to turn.

When my kids want time with me they want to really know that I am present, and after all isn’t one of the reasons I work so that I can pay someone else to help do the domestic chores?

  • Self-care

When we are giving to others all the time sometimes we forget to look after ourselves. There is a very good reason why airlines ask you to put on your own oxygen mask before attending to children: we cannot look after others unless we are healthy and well ourselves. And I mean that beyond a simple lack of health problems but in terms of seeking optimal well-being by looking after all aspects of our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy levels.

We all need time out and I know that can be hard to find when you have children but it is crucial to enabling you to be at your best at both work and home, so again ask for help!

  • Self-compassion

Isn’t it crazy that we beat ourselves up over things we did or didn’t do, or things we said or how we behaved? Listen to that voice in your head, would you ever speak to a loved one in the same way you talk to yourself? Most of us are good at using kindness on other but not so much on ourselves. Talk to yourself as you would to a good friend: comforting, supporting, encouraging, motivating.

I am “enough”

I am also learning to accept that I am “enough” as I am, I don’t have to be a domestic goddess or a super-mum or a corporate high-flyer, I can just be me, a woman who is fulfilling all those roles in her own way, and to best of her ability and without the need to be “perfect”. And that will have to be enough for everyone else too.
 
If you are interested in re-defining your roles, re-balancing your own life or supporting your staff to re-balance theirs then please get in touch to discuss either one-on-one coaching or a workshop designed to improve the well-being and performance of your whole team, contact me at [email protected]

Sue runs sue rosen executive coaching and specialises in helping people unleash the power of their potential.
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Why do "women only" events matter?

15/10/2016

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​I was asked recently by a male colleague whether I think there is value in women only events in the corporate world. After all there would be an uproar if a conference in any field was advertised as being specifically for men!

My response was that having been to a number of such events over the last few months I think they are absolutely necessary! Most conferences and business events have historically and typically been dominated by men, which has meant that women’s voices are rarely heard, and if women’s voices are not heard we are missing out on so much experience and knowledge, and most importantly on a different perspective. There has been considerable research in to the value of diversity and there is no doubting the value that diversity in leadership brings.

If you accept that women are as smart as men why would you want to miss out on half the gene pool, which of course begs the question, why hold women only events and miss out on the male half of the gene pool?
 
Sharing our stories

My experience has been that at women only events the female senior leaders are able to be much more open and vulnerable. The sharing of personal stories and how they impact on professional life (and vice versa) is not hidden. The feminine traits of sharing, collaboration and support are more highly valued in this environment, rather than competitive one upmanship. I have never experienced the same level of sharing and openness at a mixed conference as I have at women only events.
 
Role Models
“You can’t be what you can’t see” and we must not underestimate the importance of women having great role models.

Sometimes in a male dominated industry a woman can feel like there is no-one around in those senior positions who has experienced the same things she has, and at a women only event she can celebrate the achievements of those who in more senior roles, foster new connections across the industry and support those coming up through the ranks. Building the profile of women in a certain industry also allows outsiders to see those industries as attractive, enabling them to attract a much wider array of talent, which is crucial to all businesses.

Support networks

I have never met a woman who hasn’t had to deal with unacceptable behaviour from men (& women) in the workplace, whether it be aggressive bullying, sexual harassment or patronising of the “girl” in the team at some stage in her career. Other women can provide great advice and tips on how to handle difficult situations, from how to change your physical presence in the office, learning to respond with questions to an aggressor rather than becoming defensive, how to use banter and humour to make a point, when to get outside help, when to report incidents, and when to walk away.
 
Growing leadership capacity

Leadership is changing in a world where agility, innovation, creativity are so important, and we are seeing much greater recognition and acceptance of the role emotional intelligence plays in engaging and empowering people to do their best work. Women only events are super opportunities for women to flex their leadership muscles using their “softer” skills, and exploring ways to bring their whole authentic self to work, without the pressure to assert their masculinity.

Often women working in male dominated fields have felt that they had to suppress their femininity, and focus on their more masculine traits in order to rise up through the ranks, and it can be incredibly refreshing to have greater freedom in how you look and what you say.
 
Building the future together

I strongly believe that we need to be hearing the voices of all parts of our population in the corporate world so moving forward we need to be holding conferences and events with men and women both well represented on all subjects. However, research has shown time and again that women speak out less in groups where they are a small minority as is the usual case in board rooms, senior executive teams and political parties. They are also afforded less time to speak and are interrupted much more by men than other men are.

There is great research demonstrating that when women hold a significant majority in a group, men are also more likely to speak up on issues pertaining to family and care issues rather than these being seen as the domains of women (The Silent Sex, Mendelberg). This is a great opportunity for men to break out of their own gender defined roles and break down the stigma around fathers as primary carers.

Movements like The Panel Pledge, whereby men only agree to speak on panels where there is also strong representation of women, are fantastic to start shifting the diversity dial but we still have a long way to go.

I know some people see women only events as being counter-productive and others that see them as being purely a cynical marketing tool but I sincerely believe that women can only benefit from the flurry of women only events which are happening around town now.

Women and men do need to work together to address the issues of inequality and to improve diversity in the workplace and I look forward to the day when we don’t need women only events because men and women have equal representation and are equally respected in the corporate world but until that time these events provide wonderful new opportunities for women.

What are your views, either for or against gender segregated events?

If you are looking for leadership programs for the high potential staff in your organisation I would love to hear from you at [email protected]. I believe passionately in empowering leaders to become the best they can & I feel particularly strongly about supporting more women into senior roles.
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Are you running on empty?

2/10/2016

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Activity and “busy-ness” are so prized in our society that it can become a badge of honour to talk about how many hours you are working, how many balls you are juggling, and how few hours you sleep.

In fact someone very close to me loves to use the saying “I’ll sleep when I’m dead”, and I have pointed out that he will be doing that way too soon if he doesn’t actually get some sleep while he is alive!

Taking time for daytime renewal and nightime sleep are both crucial for our well-being, and a shortage of either has a huge impact on our ability to be effective in our lives. We often delude ourselves that we can pack everything into our day without our exhaustion and/or emotions affecting us in our work but our physiological, mental and emotional states are so closely intertwined that they affect each other even when we are not aware of it ourselves.

Our bodies acclimatise to our environment and so we begin to accept whatever we are experiencing as normal, whether that be an inability to wind down, feeling exhausted, crankiness, poor memory, brain fog or a lack of sex drive. As we increasingly run on cortisol our hippocampus and pre-frontal lobe literally shrink, which further impairs our memory, our emotional control and our decision making ability.

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Wouldn’t it be terrific if we all had a little fuel gauge on the side of our head showing how high our level of cortisol is so that we could always know, and others would know, whether we were in the right frame of mind to be making certain decisions?!

Maybe in the future our Fitbits will be able to tell us our cortisol levels but for the time being the key is taking the time to stop and listen to our bodies, and acknowledge our emotions. If we pause and take a deep breath we can start to pay attention to all the small physiological changes in our body when we experience an emotional trigger. Once we start looking for the physical signs, such as tightness of breathing, a knot in the stomach, clammy palms, we can learn to spot the signs as they start to arise and then we have a moment when we can make a conscious choice about our emotional response, or leave the room if necessary before we say or do something we might regret!

Mindfulness is a hot topic at the moment but rather than get hung up on the idea of having to learn meditation think of it this way: it is simply paying close attention to what is happening both within us and around us, without judging. Taking just a few minutes a day to sit and breathe and focus our attention on something as simple as the breath will help you both identify your physical and emotional triggers, and to switch off the sympathetic nervous system (your fight or flight response), and switch on your para-sympathetic nervous system (rest and recover). This can help you refuel your energy levels, with research showing that just 12 weeks experience of mindfulness practice can lead to lower stress levels, a re-wiring of the pre-frontal lobe and an increase in self-awareness, and who wouldn't want those things?!

There is an old Zen master’s saying “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes every day, unless you are too busy, in which case you should sit for an hour”.

And if you are really struggling to get started then consider this quote:
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If you are interested in re-balancing your own life or supporting your staff to re-balance theirs then please get in touch to discuss either one-on-one coaching or a workshop designed to improve the well-being and performance of your whole team, contact me at [email protected]
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Are you stuck in a rut?

13/7/2016

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Perhaps it is time to get in touch with your inner teenager. Yes, you read that right, not your inner child, your inner teenager.

As we move into middle age we often find ourselves questioning our lives. We may have had an outwardly successful career, and have achieved some of those things which we thought would make us happy but find that we feel like we are trudging through mud, one foot after another, bored and not getting anywhere much. This ennui can lead to apathy, and it gets harder and harder to pull ourselves up out of the mud.

But why, oh why I hear you cry would I go back to being an angsty, rebellious, petulant, pimply teen?

​Because of what Dan Siegel in his book, Brainstorm, identifies as the four distinguishing features of adolescence, or the ESSENCE of adolescence:
 
ES: Emotional Spark

Emotional sensations are intense during our teenage years and we may not want to go back to the roller coaster that was our emotional life at that time but without the exuberance for life which represents the upside of that intensity life can get rather dull.

So ask yourself: What is the role of passion in your life? What lights your internal fire? If you are not doing things which light that up and bring joy to you perhaps it is time to consider what has worked for you in the past and set some time aside to rediscover those activities, whether it is music, dancing, rock-climbing or curling up with a good book. Anything which sweeps you up in the moment and afterwards you can say to yourself “wow, I loved that”.
 
SE: Social Engagement

Meaningful relationships are such an important part of our lives at all ages, and in teenagers this drive to connect with our peers can separate them from the adults in their lives but can also lead to the development of fantastic new friendships and really supportive relationships.

As adults it is vital to cultivate the relationships we already have by nurturing them and not taking what we have for granted. We can do this by showing kindness and compassion to our friends and family, spending time with them, and learning to actively listen to them.

It can also be incredibly rewarding to establish new friendships by reaching out to people we meet who share similar interests, taking the time to show interest in other people’s lives.
 
N: Novelty

In teenagers the desire for a bigger hit of dopamine in their brain can lead them to seek risky adventures as they are wired to overemphasise the thrill of an activity and downplay the risks, however as adults we too often don’t introduce enough novelty into our lives. We are more inclined to overplay the risks and fear the consequences.

Doing new things as an adult stimulates new neural activity in our brains and bringing a heightened sense of curiousity to life will open us up to all kinds of new opportunities, bringing more joy and humour to our lives.

It is time to “feel the fear and do it anyway” – take a risk on something. Look at where your fear of failure or fear of rejection is holding you back and make a conscious decision to move out of your comfort zone – apply for that promotion, volunteer to make that presentation, and back yourself.

Make a plan to try something you’ve never done before: watch a foreign film, take a trapeze class, try a food you’ve never eaten before, go to a football match or see a ballet. Who knows what you may discover!
 
CE: Creative Exploration

Teenagers question the status quo and push the boundaries of society as they develop their abilities around conceptual thinking and abstract reasoning. As we get older, although we have the mental capacity to think outside the square too often we get caught up in doing things the same old way we have always done them.

It is time to expand our awareness and look at things in a new way. Mindfulness can be a great starting point, as we bring a beginner’s awareness to our day and closely observe the world around us through a fresh lense. Once we move out of autopilot, and also allow ourselves the freedom to play with ideas we will be able to rediscover our creativity. As adults we so often assume that the only people who are creative are those who paint or create music but we all have the capacity for creative thinking, we have just forgotten how to tap in to it. Everyone needs some time to play.
 
If as adults we can harness the great opportunities that the adolescent brain shows us then we can bring greater vitality and courage into our lives. Of course in the years since our own adolescence we have (hopefully!) improved our ability to self-regulate our emotional responses, and to assess risks in a more measured way which will allow us to make the most of the upsides of ESSENCE, and not the downsides!

How have you embraced the ESSENCE of adolescence to lighten up your life?

If you would like support in rediscovering the ESSENCE of your life and figuring out the next steps in your career please contact me at [email protected]


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Who am I?

26/5/2016

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In the busy-ness of our everyday lives it can be very easy to lose track of who we are at our very core. Over time we become the roles we have assumed, Manager, Boss, Employee, Wife, Mother, Daughter, and we run around focused on the all the “doing” and we forget about the “being”.

 
Identity crisis

Traditionally we talk about men having their identity tied up in their work, and the challenges they face when they lose that through redundancy or retirement or ill health and yet I believe that this is increasingly true for women who have strived for career success, and then once they start a family they find that their identity is lost. As a new mother you enter a kind of limbo, where you are expected by society to fill the role of mother, which is supposed to be valued and yet no longer have the social status or the same degree of financial independence which you had previously.

I found this enormously challenging in my own career because I felt my priorities change deep in my heart the moment I had a child and yet I still yearned to have the visibility, the financial freedom and the opportunities which I had been attached to my senior role. I felt overwhelming love for my baby and at the same time great frustration that I had to clock watch to make it to child care at the end of the day, and that I knew I wasn’t giving my best to  my job. I would dissolve in tears because I knew I was doing both things, motherhood and the corporate role, so poorly.
 
Enough with “lean in”!

I was brought up by an amazing mum, who was herself brought up in a time and place where career options for a woman were severely limited, and so she strongly encouraged me to see the world as my oyster and to strive for financial independence. She gave great advice about leaning in, long before Sheryl Sandberg wrote her book, but there seemed to be nothing to help me once I had a career and a child. I no longer wanted to “lean in” because I wanted to spend time with my children but I did still want to keep some kind of foothold on the corporate ladder and not throw away all my past experience and qualifications, so where had my feminism got me?
 
Liberated to be our fathers

Earlier this year I heard author Anne-Marie Slaughter speak and she used a wonderful phrase which has stayed with me: “We were liberated to be our fathers”, and that rang so true. Our mothers, the generation of feminists before us, were fighting to give us all the opportunities our fathers had which our mothers never had, but they didn’t realise what that would mean in terms of juggling motherhood and a career. After all, our fathers could focus on work because they had a wife to look after the children and domestic life. And maybe where we went wrong was that we started to believe we “should” have it all rather than we “could” have it all or that we could have it all, just at different times in our lives. We placed new expectations on ourselves as to how we should manage our lives and found ourselves lacking.
 
Doing everything for everyone else

As I ran around trying to do and be everything to everyone, trying to please my boss, my husband, my children, I was running further from myself. I knew I was unhappy but I couldn’t figure out how to change anything, and I felt locked in to a job I increasingly hated because of the drive for financial independence. I did dance classes for some “me” time, which I loved but looking back I realise I used that as a distraction from what was really bothering me.
 
Where is my gut instinct?

It was when I went away on a yoga retreat and a morning of silence was hell that I finally realised I was in trouble. I couldn’t bear what was going on in my head and when I was asked what was my gut instinct about what was next in my life I screamed “I have no idea, I have no gut instinct!”.
 
So that was when it became abundantly clear that I had completely lost touch with what I wanted – not what someone else thought I wanted or what I thought I should do but what was in my heart and my gut.
 
It is so easy to lose your sense of identity, to no longer know what you want, to become so busy looking after other people, and doing all the things which you are supposed to be doing that it is absolutely crucial that you find the time and space to tap into your own heart space. Taking time to connect with your values, learn about your strengths and reflect on what provides meaning to you is fundamental to finding your own way forward, to re-discovering yourself.
 
It took time and energy but I realised that I was worth that investment in myself and that my life is much happier and more fulfilled because I made the effort. And it’s not selfish, because the impact on my family is all positive, as I become the role model I want to be for my daughters.
 

I am now absolutely passionate about helping people to discover and clarify their goals and ambitions and working with them to align their life with their values and strengths.
 
If you would like support in re-discovering who you are and finding a way forward which aligns with your values please contact me at
[email protected]


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Flight of the Hummingbird

26/5/2016

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When we are stuck in a rut and can't figure out what is next in our life it can be overwhelming and also rather depressing when popular culture or even our friends bombard us with messages of "follow your passion". I have always advocated that variety is the spice of life and that you may need to dabble in many things in order to find your passion and author Elizabeth Gilbert articulates this so beautifully in her speech on "The Flight of the Hummingbird".
http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/video/



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Finding time for me

5/5/2016

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Before we make any big changes in our lives we must first know ourselves. Too often we become consumed with the busy "doing" of everyday life and forget to take time out for self-reflection. And that is why I am looking forward to a yoga retreat this weekend - an opportunity to connect with other beautiful and inspiring women but also to have some quiet time to listen to what is within.
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