Blog Posts

The Sh**ty First Draft - Challenging our thoughts

21/4/2016

In my last blog I talked about the importance of believing in our ability to continually improve our talents and capabilities and identified Carol Dweck’s 4 steps you need to take to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. The four steps are:

Learn to hear your fixed mindset voice;
Recognise you have a choice;
Talk back to yourself using a growth mindset voice; and
Take the growth mindset action.

Whilst these provide a fantastic guide any one of them is easier said than done! So here I will explore further how to get through steps 1 & 2.

Pay Attention

In order to really hear our fixed mindset voice we need to get in touch with our thoughts by increasing our self-awareness and recognising the emotional triggers we feel when we have negative or positive thoughts. This is where we need to apply mindfulness, which is simply paying attention to the physiological changes in our body and getting curious about what is happening and why. Even if a meditation practice is too “hippy” for you this is where slowing down your breathing and observing yourself is important. The observing self does not judge our experience but sees things as they are, without resisting. This is an important first step towards identifying these thoughts and connecting with the experience so that you recognise when they come up for you.

For example if I am about to speak in front of a lot of people my heart will be racing and my hands get clammy and I need to look at what is causing that, perhaps I think “oh my god, this is going to be disastrous, they’re going to realise I know nothing!” Acknowledging what I feel is the first step.

The sh**ty first draft

In times of stress particularly our first reaction to any situation is emotional and our emotions immediately tell our brains a story – this is what Brene Brown call the “sh**ty first draft” or SFD of the story. This SFD is a bunch of thoughts which pops into our brains, and if we do not pay attention to what is happening this SFD determines what we do or say next. These thoughts may or may not be correct, and if they are a negative response to a challenge facing you, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do that”, they are probably not helpful even if they contain an element of truth!

Get ready to rumble…

Brene Brown proposes that we “rumble” with these thoughts and challenge them by asking “what’s true?”, “what do I know for sure?”, “what is it about this story that is really bothering me?” She recommends writing down your SFD because this externalises it and makes it easier to see patterns in our thinking. In her recent presentation at The School of Life in Sydney Ms Brown talked about SFDs particularly in relation to how we interpret the words or actions of other people, and how we can look through a different lens to interpret them in a new way but the same applies to how we respond to our own thoughts.

In his book The Happiness Trap Dr Russ Harris goes even further and says even if there is truth in your thoughts you should ask yourself “is this helpful?” For example if I make a mistake and find myself thinking “I’m completely incompetent, I shouldn’t be in this role” there may be some truth in that I do not have all the requisite skills but the only way to move forward is to ask “Do I really need or want to be able to do this and if so how can I gain the skills I need for this role?”

We need to learn to separate the thought and the emotion. We all have emotions triggered by thoughts on which we don’t act, for example I know that I have had times at work when someone has really upset me, and I have felt like screaming and telling them what they can do with their job! Now I may at times have responded too rashly and said something inappropriate but I have never walked out on the spot because even in the heat of the moment I can recognise that that response may be counter-productive! But all too often we allow our thoughts about ourselves to assume a much greater importance & “truth”, which will only inhibit our behaviours and hold us back from action.

I love the visual idea of my thoughts being a SFD, which I can rewrite and determine for myself how the story progresses. With so many things in life beyond our control it is great to realise we do have control over how we respond in any situation. Taking a moment for a few deep breaths may be all it takes, but writing it down can help with getting a new perspective.

Once we recognise our thoughts for what they are – just thoughts, we are free to make new choices, open ourselves to learning and move forward.

If you would like support in improving your self-awareness and dealing with your own SFDs so you can re-write your own story please contact me at [email protected]

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Learn to build your brain

20/3/2016

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When I was a kid in school you were either in the A class or the B class, which to us meant either the smart class or the dumb class and there was not much you could do to move up once you had been categorised. If you were deemed a smart kid it was considered cool not to have to try too hard to achieve good results, because if you could get by with little effort you must be really smart. The thing is that if you grow up with that attitude it is inevitable that you hit a point at which you struggle to handle the next challenge in your professional or personal life. IQ as a fixed measurement does not build mental toughness, or creative thinking. Failure becomes a judgement of your whole being.

If we hit mid-life and have achieved a certain level of success it is easy to believe that this is because we are smart or have certain talents so that when things get hard we think perhaps this is the natural order of things and we are destined not to climb any higher. We succumb to the thoughts such as “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough”. This usually goes hand in hand with the tendency to judge people by the outcomes they achieve rather than the efforts they put in. We dread being found out as an imposter, and don’t like to admit to mistakes because they show us to be not as good / smart / talented as we hoped and we don’t believe that there is anything we can do about that. This can also lead to an increased fear of failure around new roles and opportunities because of the chance that we will be discovered.

This attitude is known as a “fixed mindset” in the research of Stanford psychologist, Carol Dweck, who has found that the belief in your ability to improve your abilities is more important than your belief in the abilities themselves.

Dweck identifies the alternative as a “growth mindset”. Educators have been talking about a growth mindset for some time now, since Dweck published her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success in 2006, and my teenage kids are sick of hearing about it, but in my corporate life I feel that too many of us are either not aware of the concept or have not fully grasped its consequences.

"By changing the definition, success and impact of failure, you change the deepest meaning of effort." Carol Dweck

With a growth mindset we believe we can continue to improve all of our talents, creative abilities and intelligence with effort, and we also see that possibility in others, which fundamentally changes how we lead and interact with those with whom we work. It enables us to see beyond our current situation and our present limitations, and challenges us to find new ways to reach our goals. Failure now becomes a way to learn and grow.

This understanding of growth is supported by the developments in neuroscience which are showing the plasticity which exists in our brains right through our lives rather than just in the early years as previously thought. Learning something new at any age will charge up synapses and connect neurons, which have previously lain dormant.

Now most of us will adopt different mind-sets in different areas of our lives depending upon previous experiences but what can you do if you think this is you and you are stuck in a fixed mindset?

Dweck proposes four steps to shift from a fixed to growth mindset:

Step 1: Learn to hear your fixed mindset voice
When you find yourself telling yourself you are not smart enough to apply for that new, or when you react to criticism by either getting defensive and snapping back, or by curling up in a ball and accepting that this is proof you are no good.

Step 2: Recognise you have a choice
Once you have identified that fixed mindset voice you have a choice how you react to it. You can choose to see challenges and criticism as an opportunity to ramp up your efforts and revise your strategies for moving forward.

Step 3: Talk back to yourself using a growth mindset voice
Tell yourself that if you are committed and want to learn you can find the way. New skills take time to develop but if you are prepared to practice and work hard you will make progress, and being open to feedback, both positive and negative, will allow you to grow.

Step 4: Take the growth mindset action
Thoughts do not help without action so be prepared to act on the growth mindset voice and embrace the new challenge wholeheartedly. Nothing happens without a first step, and the more you act on your growth mindset voice the more you will listen to it automatically. Then if you hit another set-back you will be prepared to keep trying.

Once you shift your attitude to being one of a growth mindset you open yourself up to far more opportunities, as you remain sensitive to both positive and negative feedback but see them as ways to learn and grow. A setback no longer means that you are a failure or that you lack ability, it means you need to find another way to progress.

Often a setback may signify that you have reached a stage where you need to dig deeper and consider how important a particular goal is, or how best to draw on your strengths to reach that goal in new way. In my coaching work this is an area I will spend a lot of time with clients as they explore their values, prioritise their goals and assess their strengths so as to determine their way forward, but it all starts with a growth mindset.

If you would like support in re-assessing your strengths and how to make the changes you seek in your life please contact me at [email protected]

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(Yet) another reason for female representation..........

13/2/2016

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At the end of last year I attended and spoke at the APAC Women in Leadership and Management Summit in Sydney, which was a wonderful opportunity to listen to and connect with fantastic women sharing their insights and strategies into how they have achieved their career success.

One thing which struck me in particular as being very different from any corporate conference I have attended previously was the willingness and openness of all the women to discuss their personal lives. There was a real understanding that no-one operates in a vacuum in their corporate role and that it truly does take a village to raise a child or build a community. I have never heard a male speaker say that his success was attained because his wife was a full-time mum, or that he was expected to forego or slow down promotion because he was working part-time for a period, or that he took leave because he wanted to support a teenage or adult child who was going through troubled times.

When I started my career most of the senior men leading organisations had full-time wives at home and there was never any discussion of work / life balance – the work environment was entirely set-up around the “ideal worker”, who would be entirely committed to the company, work all hours of night and day and travel anywhere at the drop of a hat. As an ambitious woman you bought into that paradigm and adopted the same approach as the men, which completely compartmentalised your work and personal lives. You could “lean in” as Sheryl Sandberg so eloquently encouraged us to do, and you could choose yourself a partner who supported your career and that worked up to a point. Indeed, at the 2015 Summit the importance of having a supportive partner was truly evident.

However, life takes many twists and turns, and as we mature, get married, have children, our priorities change, and it seemed to me that Sandberg’s book was only giving two options: lean in or get out! Surely there is a middle ground? Don’t I still have a valuable role to play in the corporate world, even if I want to spend time with my family as well? Working part-time never really addressed that question because of the attendant stigma attached, with flexible or part-time working seen as the “mummy track”. And what is the role of fathers in that equation? And why should the issue of who raises the children be solely a women’s issue?

Regardless of whether you choose to have kids or not, everyone needs fully engaged relationships to thrive – a sense of connection is inherent to well-being so why are we so determined to try and separate work and family into two completely separate domains, one ostensibly female and one ostensibly male?

Over the last few years huge progress has been made in regard to enabling flexible work arrangements to accommodate family care, however as last week’s Bain & Co report showed it is still regarded as a female requirement. The report found that women working flexibly generally view their employer favourably but that men working flexibly still felt the stigma and felt that they were judged harshly for using the policies. This shows that we still expect men to make a full-time commitment to their work and for women to be the ones who change their life to care for the kids.

Anne-Marie Slaughter’s book “Unfinished Business” (my summer reading, which was fabulous!) identifies the central issue we are facing here as one of balancing competition and care. Competition being “the impulse to pursue our self-interest” and care, being “the impulse to put others first”. As a society we undervalue care – the minute you leave or reduce the time spent in a paid role to care for children or elderly parents you disappear, and until we encourage men to be fully engaged in the care part of the equation we will not achieve equality in the workplace.

I was delighted to hear senior women at the summit address these issues of family and community commitments so openly because when I was coming up through the ranks we were still trying to prove ourselves as capable as men by not talking about that stuff. It is also terrific that men are now more involved as fathers than most of their own fathers were and now we need to ensure that we bring these discussions into an open forum, not just at women only events.

Interestingly Slaughter quotes from the work of Mendelberg and Karpowitz which shows that when women are the majority in the group men will also speak more about caregiving issues, however when women are in the minority men do not speak about these issues and they become women’s issues rather than everybody issues. And this for me is at the crux of why we need greater female representation both in politics and in the boardroom! It is time to shift the whole dynamic of the conversation!

If you would like support re-balancing the priorities in your life, or working out how to challenge the status quo in your organisation please contact me at [email protected]

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Do you need to recharge?

24/7/2015

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So here we are, half way through the year! This can be a great time to reflect on how we are going with those resolutions and goals we set at the beginning of the year but it can also be a time when here in Sydney we are very much fixed on the work treadmill and can’t seem to lift our eyes from our desks.

Particularly for those working in finance this time following the end of the financial year can be particularly busy and often stressful dealing with tight deadlines and demanding clients. In the midst of all this we can feel exhausted, run-down and frustrated that we are not making progress on any of our bigger picture dreams and goals.

If this is you then you are in what psychologists call the ‘survival zone’, which is where you are feeling sub-optimal, struggling through each day or week, with that constant low-level fatigue, which you can’t seem to shake off.

So how to recharge?

To keep the finance analogy going, there are plenty of finance audits underway at the moment, analysing how much money is being generated and how much being spent, but what about considering an energy audit of your personal well-being? If you are using more energy than you are generating then you will gradually run yourself down and your performance at work will suffer.

A study conducted by The Energy Project in conjunction with Harvard Business Review in late 2014 (read report here) identified 4 sources of personal energy and their impact on people in the workplace:

Physical

We all know what we should be doing when it comes to looking after our physical health – focus on sleep, exercise, nutrition, so why aren’t we doing it?

An important starting point is making sure you have a good night’s sleep. Studies have shown that will-power and self-discipline are finite resources, which deplete when we are tired or hungry, so ensuring you have enough sleep and eat healthily will make all the difference to helping you find the energy to get out and exercise.

Find ways to schedule exercise into your diary so it becomes a priority. Tom Rath has lots of tips at www.eatmovesleep.org on how to make small changes in your daily routines, or commit to a new trainer or program to really switch things up a gear.

It’s also important to remember that studies suggest we need breaks every 90 minutes or every 45 after intense concentration so throughout the day take short breaks to stretch or walk around the block and get out in the sunshine to give you greater capacity to focus and think creatively.

Emotional

The critical factors for fueling emotional energy are a sense of enjoyment and a sense of trust.

Increasing the positivity of our relationships and everyday interactions will yield great results in terms of improving our well-being. All the research in positive psychology has identified that we need 3-5 times as many positive interactions as negative ones to sustain a positive mood. If you can bring your full attention to your interactions with colleagues and focus on the positive aspects of the relationship then that will in itself become contagious, bringing a more uplifted vibe to the whole team. The impact will be even greater if you are leading a team, when making team members feel appreciated was shown to increase their engagement by 58%.

Ensure as well that you find some time each week to do something just for fun – playing is a great way to improve mood.

Mental

Mindfulness is now being embraced by the corporate community as a fantastic way to counteract the continual distractions of technology and constant busy-ness of the average office.

Learning to meditate and taking 15 minutes in the middle of your day to centre yourself will release the build-up of stress in your body and mind and enable you to focus better in the afternoon. Even a ritual throughout the day of 3 deep breaths can help you regain your emotional equanimity and boost your decision making skills.

Spiritual

Spiritual energy means finding meaning in what you do and the study found that no single factor influences people’s engagement with their job as much as deriving a sense of purpose from their work.

You may not feel that you work in an organisation with a grand purpose but you can still look for the small wins each day, ways in which you can help others. Small achievements and serving others have both been shown to be essential to the feeling of progress which drives us to do more.

Taking some time to reflect on your core values and consider why you do what you do can remind you of what’s really important. Even when on the surface you are working purely to earn a salary it is possible to reframe your ‘profit goal’ into a ‘purpose’ goal by focusing on using the money for your children’s education or for travelling to visit family or whatever is most important to you.

Renewal = Peak Performance

Tempting as it is to chain ourselves to our desks in an attempt to get everything done this is when it is essential to break that cycle and build in small changes to our daily work-life so that we perform at our best.

Factoring in holidays and time-out from work is terrific but if we are to sustain high levels of performance we also need to ensure that we manage our energy on a day-to day basis, which will ultimately get us through the busy times without crashing and burning!

If you would like support in re-energising your life please contact me at [email protected]

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Authenticity, what does it really mean?

11/6/2015

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There’s a lot of buzz around at the moment about being an authentic leader and bringing the real you to work but what does that mean for how we behave and interact with others?

Does it mean I should air my opinions at every opportunity? Does it mean that I should tell the new guy in the office that I have no interest in hearing about last night’s footy match?

And if I get authentic now does that mean that I wasn’t myself before? In fact if I have to learn to be authentic then how authentic am I now being? Who is the real me?

Is she the party girl who loves to do dancing ‘til dawn? (maybe not so much anymore!) Is she the nerd who always studied hard for exams? Is she the lazy slob who loves nothing better than to stay in bed until noon and hates doing housework, or the conscientious worker who never misses a deadline? Is she the super confident performer, or is she the shy woman who is too nervous to speak to strangers at networking events because why they would be interested in anything she has to say?

How can I bring all of this to the office? I will confuse myself let alone anyone else!

So what is authenticity?

In trying to resolve my confusion I have been doing a lot of reading around values, strengths and emotional intelligence. Recently I read an excellent article by Bill George in the Harvard Business Review (Discovering your authentic leadership) which helped me figure this out.

George identified authenticity as knowing what is really important to you and then aligning your actions with your values so that you can consistently practice and convey your values to others. It means to get in touch with what is really inside your heart so that you can discover or rediscover your passions and then learn to let your heart lead you as well as your head.

You need to understand your own story so that you figure out what really motivates you and find ways you can stay true to yourself whilst juggling work, family, personal health and social life.

However it is not enough to say “this is who I am, take me or leave me!”

We must also be willing to keep learning and growing. Another great article in HBR by Herminia Ibarra (The Authenticity Paradox) identifies that it is tempting for us to rely on our usual behaviours when we are challenged but that to achieve growth we must move out of our comfort zone and do things which may not come naturally. This may mean that we need to “fake it until we make it” because we need to learn from the experience of doing something new.

We all know that in different social settings we instinctively adapt our style of communication – how you banter with your mates at a bar may be a long way from how you speak at a corporate function and yet it doesn’t mean that one is inauthentic. It indicates that you are tuning in to the social signs about what is acceptable. Now sometimes people take this too far and in being chameleon-like they come across as insincere, yet if you don’t modify your behaviour according to circumstances you will probably strike people as socially inept!

Keep evolving & be prepared to change

We should be prepared to try on many leadership and communication styles as we progress in our careers as what worked in one setting may not in another and if we become too stuck in a single “but this is how I do it” mindset we shut ourselves off to the possibilities of adaptability. Some of those stories which created who we are today have passed their use-by date so we must keep evolving and revising our view of our authentic self. It can be helpful to look at some of those old stories from a fresh perspective so that we reframe our view of ourselves in a way which allows us to move forward.

Trying new communication styles or ways of interacting with people does feel strange but if we see these as all part of our learning then we needn’t be so afraid of failing or letting others down. Find multiple role models and learn from all of them so that rather than trying to copy one you develop your own voice.

Our experiences and our interpretation of them play an integral role in shaping who we are and by continually pushing the boundaries of those experiences and learning from them we can fundamentally change how we interact with others – without needing a personality transplant!!

All the latest research on the benefits of having a growth mindset show that we are never too old to keep learning and growing so if we are open-minded we continue to improve all of our relationships.

As Muhammed Ali once said “A man who views the world the same at 50 as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.”

If you would like help in reframing your stories and exploring your values and strengths please contact me at [email protected]

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Stop telling me to follow my dream!!

19/5/2015

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OK, Mr Motivational Guru, so I could pack in my well-paid career, enrol in drama school and become a world famous Hollywood star! And that would fall into place because of the positive affirmations I would recite every day and the passion I would bring to my roles? Or then again, perhaps not?

We’ve all read that following your passion will be your path to success and I don’t suppose that I’m the only one who has cynically rolled their eyes and wondered who will pay the mortgage whilst I try and find myself and pursue my ‘true’ destiny!

And sometimes I look at those infographics which demonstrate how some very influential people redesigned their career and I laugh out loud! Because most of them made the change by the ripe old age of 30!

The examples post-40 are much less common so it’s easy to become stuck and feel like you have no choice.

There are many barriers, such as a mortgage and school fees, which mean we are loathe to move on from a well-paid position to something riskier and probably less financially rewarding (at least in the short term). There are also non-financial constraints such as the desire to meet the expectations of our family. They want us to be happy but they also expect us to be there for them and I want to be able to provide for them so I can’t just say to hell with what everyone thinks.

Acceptance is NOT Resignation

Sometimes you have to accept where you are at right now and acknowledge that this may not be your dream job but it’s ok for this stage of your life.

When my children were very young I was in a role I was unhappy with and I felt frustrated and trapped. Outwardly I had it all: I was well-paid and worked part-time so I could spend time with the kids but I felt unfulfilled and I was internally fighting against the situation. It was through my first experience of being coached that I realised that my constant railing against the situation was actually making me unhappier.

I discovered that if I focused on gratitude for what I did have and accepted that this job was not forever but worked well for this stage of my life then I became more relaxed and positive. I rediscovered my love of dancing and acting which resulted in my attitude improving so my work performance improved and coming to work got easier again.

I was speaking with a client recently and unlike me she is in a place of acceptance. She has 2 young children and her husband has chosen to be the stay-at-home carer. She works full-time in a management position, which she happily describes as “ok for the stage we are at”.

That’s great, yet I would still urge her to not forget the dreams completely but keep building small things into her career and life which will help her move forward.

Acceptance is a positive understanding of why you are where you are, which allows you the freedom to search for a way forward.

Resignation is a defeatist response which brings your mood down and prohibits you from finding an appropriate next step.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE!

There are so many things you can do to keep the long-term journey going in the right direction.

What do you mean your dream is impossible?

So if your dream as a child, which you secretly still harbour, is that of being an astronaut, then admittedly it is a little tricky to achieve once you are over 40! However what you can do is look at what aspects of that dream still excite you – does it appeal to your sense of adventure? The desire to be at the cutting edge of science? The physical challenge?

Consider how you might bring these elements into your everyday life – set yourself a tough physical challenge such as a marathon or a major hike, book sky-diving lessons if you are looking for an adrenaline rush, plan an adventure holiday, take a science course.

Ken Robinson’s excellent book “The Element” talks about finding that point at which your natural talent meets your personal passion and he acknowledges that even if you cannot pursue your element full-time the enjoyment you get from it will enhance even the dreariest job as you become a more fulfilled individual.

I know a senior recruitment executive who plays in a rock band, a maths teacher who is a belly dancer and personally I hop on a stage at every opportunity!

Not even sure what your dream is?

Then try something new – shift your focus to a new activity which appeals just for the sheer fun of it – take trapeze classes, join a new book club, watch a sport you’ve never watched before, visit a new art gallery. Trying new things will charge up neurons in your brain which may have long been dormant and you’ll meet new people, broadening your mind and opening your eyes to new possibilities. Even if you don’t immediately discover a burning passion you will learn new skills and have some laughs along the way.

My only advice is to not give up on the dreams altogether. Keep looking long-term and build small things in to your work and life which will support you whatever move you choose to make later.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO DREAM….

THEN TAKE ACTION (even if it’s baby steps and not a giant leap of faith!!)

If you would like support in building your plans to move forward, or figuring out how to incorporate your strengths and talents into your working life more consistently contact me at [email protected]

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Why is self-awareness so important?

14/4/2015

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We all develop self-awareness as we grow up, but what is it, why is it so important and how do we develop it further as adults?

What is it?

Self-awareness is being aware of who we are, understanding what makes us tick, recognising our strengths and weaknesses. It is being alert to those emotional triggers within us, and the experiences on which they are based. We proceed through varying stages of development through infancy, early childhood and adolescence, and as adults we can demonstrate very different levels of self-awareness.

Why is it so important?

I think the key is that until we have an understanding of ourselves how can we hope to grow or improve ourselves?

Knowing who you are, what you stand for and what your values are, will help you find your purpose and that will enable you to set goals which energise and excite you. When you have these goals you will be in a stronger position to focus on achieving them and a greater ability to communicate them.

Positive psychology has provided much research showing that you can improve your performance by focusing on your strengths, so you need to figure what they are and how to incorporate them into everyday life.

Self-awareness also heightens your understanding of how your attitudes or behaviours affect other people which will help you improve the productivity of your work team and your personal relationships. You can improve your own well-being by learning what motivates and energises you so you spend more time on those and less on those things which deplete you.

Knowing where your blind spots are, those really tricky points for you, can be valuable too. Sometimes these are things we really don’t want to confront but identifying them gives us choices. We can enlist help from colleagues and family in times when we know one of these blind spots is impairing our judgement, or we can learn to use our strengths to mitigate the risks around them.

How to improve self-awareness?

Give yourself some time and space for reflection. It is too easy to get caught up in the busyness of work and families and never really think beyond today’s to do list. Going for a walk or run works for some people, others head to yoga and meditation, to quieten the chatter in your mind and get in touch with what is at your core. Journal how certain things make you react and notice that once are aware of the instinctive reaction you can learn to nip it in the bud.

For me regular exercise and meditation, combined with occasional yoga retreats away from work and family allow me to recharge and to spend some time re-assessing my priorities in all areas of my life. This isn’t just indulgent navel-gazing, it enables me to be a healthier, happier person, which in turn allows me to be more engaged at work and more present for my family.

To identify your strengths take the VIA Strengths survey at http://www.viacharacter.org/www/ and seek opportunities to use these everyday. If you’re not sure if they are accurate ask your family or colleagues for their take on your strengths and reflect on times when you knew you were at your best. If you want some additional help then work through the results and their meaning with a coach (maybe me?!).

Spend time reflecting on how other people might see you and try and understand why. Seek feedback from the most important people in your life. In ‘Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life’, Stew Friedman recommends splitting your life into quadrants being work, family, community and private / inner life (including physical, mental and emotional health), and selecting 2 or 3 of the most important people in each area with whom you can discuss your expectations of each other, and how you are meeting or failing to meet them.

Some of these actions and conversations will be confronting and remember you need to be prepared to be very honest and open-minded going in to these conversations if you want to hear the truth!

I doubt if there is such a thing as perfect self-awareness but increasing your self-awareness is the first step on the road to developing emotional intelligence and any area of self-improvement.

If you would like help with increasing your understanding of your strengths and how to use them please get in touch.

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5 steps to great goal-setting

20/3/2015

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Following on from my previous blog about how to get over your fear of setting of goals, click here, I’d like to go on and look at how you give yourself the best chance of setting meaningful goals which you can achieve:

Step 1 – Set goals

Allow yourself to dream, make lists of things you would love to do or achieve.

Now that you have established your most important values (see my Feb 2015 blog) you can use this as your compass – the road map for individual goals can change but just keep checking in with that compass to check that you still feel good about the overall direction you are heading.

Divide your life into four areas, being work, leisure, health, relationships, and then prioritise values in each quadrant.

In each quadrant start setting goals based on your most important values in that quadrant. Remember you are not looking to “balance” work and life, you are looking to integrate all the quadrants so that you get the most out of your life.

Look at setting goals in each area of your life but recognise that 1 or 2 big goals alongside some other smaller goals will probably be enough at any one time.

Step 2 – Break the goals into action plans

Instead of only focusing on the final outcome, focus on the actions and behaviours you need to get there. For example the goal may be to lose 5kg but the action plan needs to be around how many exercise sessions you will do each week and how you will change your eating habits. If you have set a goal around finding a new job then your actions may include getting active on LinkedIn, contacting recruiters, and researching potential new employers in your field so set SMART goals around these actions.

Step 3 – Foresee obstacles

Look ahead and think about what might get in the way of you following your plan and achieving your goals. Consider how you might overcome those obstacles and be flexible so that you can work around them. For example if a big new project comes in at work you may have to revise your schedule of when you can exercise or when you can pursue your dream role.

Understanding that there will be challenges will help you face them and keep working towards your goals rather than abandoning them as being too hard.

Step 4 – Make a public commitment

Writing down your visions, values and goals makes it much more likely that you will achieve them but research has shown that making them public makes them much more likely again. Sometime this is a scary step because we are afraid of possible ridicule so ensure you share your plans with people with whom you have a strong relationship based on trust. If you have developed goals that really tap into your inner being you will feel much more enthusiastic about doing this and as you get used to articulating what it is you really want you will feel more confident about doing it. Which brings me to the last step:

Step 5 – Surround yourself with positive supporters

Spend your time with people who inspire you and who share your excitement about your goals, and don’t be afraid to ask for support. Ask your family or colleagues to help in any way they can, which may be as simple as not offering you that extra portion of dessert or may be making an introduction to an acquaintance in another business.

Then keep your supporters updated on your progress so that you can celebrate all the small achievements along the way.

Finally….

Through all of this remember that goal setting is a process, a cycle which you can keep changing depending on circumstance and your discovery of what does and doesn’t work.

Keep checking in with what is important to you and stay open to life in all its uncertainties and complexities so that you can seize opportunities as they arise. If you are too rigid in your pursuit of your goals it is possible to “over-identify” with the goal and lose sight of your life as a “whole”.

If you would like help figuring out the next steps in your life or how to achieve those big goals please contact me for a confidential no-obligation chat today on 0412 167 358 or email to [email protected]

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Are you scared of goal setting?

28/2/2015

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Here we are, already in March and no doubt you, like me, have been bombarded with advice to plan for the year ahead, make resolutions, set goals. Sound familiar?

Well, I have a confession….. for a long time I was scared to set goals. I occasionally set a one-off goal, like running a fun run but never anything too challenging, in fact the only time I ran a half-marathon was when I took over my husband’s entry at the last minute because he was injured! Of course I had been training alongside him so I was completely capable but it had never been my goal.

Why was I so scared?

2 reasons:

Fear of failure, what if I told people I was going to run a half-marathon and I couldn’t do it? How mortifying!
I hadn’t identified what I really wanted in my life so it I didn’t really see the point of setting goals. If you don’t know what you want then how do you know what to pursue? In my career so many goals were things I thought I “should” do, which simply didn’t resonate with me.

Of course these sound ridiculous in so many ways, after all who cares if I fail at running a half marathon? Now when I reflect I realise that I was completely out of touch with what was really important to me, as well as being far too concerned with other people’s opinions.

So how do you move forward and commit to goals that really matter to you?

The starting place is with your values. To reflect on what is important, try out the following questions:

If I could do anything with no fear of failure what would it be?

What would I love to achieve?

How would I like people to talk about me, and remember me after I’m gone?

Albert Einstein once said that “Imagination is more important than knowledge” so use your imagination to visualise your best possible life. Then look for themes and patterns in your answers to uncover what are the most important elements. Forcing yourself to focus on your values can be challenging but also amazingly enlightening.

It can be useful to divide your life into four areas, being work, leisure, health, relationships, and then prioritise values in each quadrant.

Once you know what you really value you can use this as your compass – the road map for individual goals can change but just keep checking in with that compass to check that you still feel good about the overall direction you are heading.

How will these goals help?

Once you start setting goals, which are subservient to your values and which are about expressing yourself rather than trying to impress others, you will realise how much more motivating those goals are, and your level of commitment will increase exponentially. As you take action to make the goals a reality you will see that those goals are now so much more achievable. Studies have also shown that the pursuit of this type of goal is likely to enhance your sense of well-being.

So don’t be afraid, take the plunge and dive in to figure out what goals you want to pursue in all areas of your life!

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